Jealousy is a negative emotion that damages many otherwise good relationships. Excessive jealousy arises because of one of two unattractive assumptions. These are that your partner can't be trusted or that you are not sufficiently attractive to your partner to hold their interest.
Most jealousy is irrational based on fear of losing the loved one. Ironically it's this fear and the way that it makes people act, which is most likely to bring the feared loss about. Anyone who constantly accuses their partner of misbehaving, expects them to account for their time, pries into their mail, email or telephone communications is behaving unreasonably.
They are probably acting out of fear or at least lack of confidence but that makes their behaviour no less distressing to the person experiencing it.
If either you or your partner is excessively jealous this can only damage your relationship, cause you both misery. In some instances it will it make continuing the relationship impossible.
So how can you tackle this source of harm to your relationship? Firstly by making this decision, if your partner has given you no grounds for suspicion that's probably because there aren't any. In other words they are not misbehaving and you have every reason to trust them.
If you feel that your partner has given you grounds for suspicion then you will need to look at those grounds reasonably. Questions I often ask to people who consult me about this problem are "when"? "Where"? and "why"? do you think that your partner might be being unfaithful?
It's surprising that the people who suffer from excessive jealousy often have partners who are rarely out of their sight. Surely a partner who wanted to be unfaithful would create opportunities to be away from them. However the fact that your partner may work long or irregular hours or travel on business does not mean that they are being unfaithful. The fact that someone may have an opportunity to behave in a particular way doesn't mean that they will or even have any desire to.
These are some of the most common answers that I receive to the question "why, do you think that your partner is being unfaithful"? He's started to come home from work late, lost interest in sex, come home smelling of perfume in the case of a man, s/he has started to lie about where they are spending their time when not at home, I just feel that s/he is having an affair.
Looked at reasonably most of these behaviours could have innocent explanations. Staying late at work for example could simply mean that s/he is trying to catch up on a backlog of work or avoid driving home in the rush hour. People may have reduced interest in sex due to tiredness,depression,hormonal changes,health problems or the side effects of prescribed medication.
The fact that your partner lies about where s/he is spending time when not with you could have a number of explanations some innocent, some less so. Your partner could be lying to cover up an addiction to drink, drugs or gambling. Wouldn't you want to help them if this were the case? Or they could be working extra hours in order to give you a special gift or take you on a wonderful holiday.
"Why" is a very important question? Why did you think that your partner was having an affair when there were so many other possible explanations for their changed behaviour? The chances are that the answer is in your past, did one of your parents cheat on the other? Have you had this negative experience in a past relationship? If so its important to realise that what happened is in the past. I understand that it was painful but dwelling on it is only likely to damage your current relationship. It's really important to let go of this negativity so that it doesn't hurt you and the person that you love. Invest in professional help if necessary. It's worth making the effort.
So far I have addressed this article to the person suffering the torments of their own suspicious mind. Now I want to turn from the perspective of the accuser to the accused. To suffer the torments of your partner's suspicious mind can be hell. As hard as you try to reason with them it seems to fall on deaf ears.
Realising why they are behaving in this illogical fashion may help. Strange as it sounds they are acting out of love (yes, I know that a jealous persons behaviour can seem anything but loving) and fear the fear that you will leave them. Reassurance may help. Try to explain that they are loved and you are not involved with or seeking to be involved with someone else. Try also raising the questions posed above. "Why do you think that I would want to have an affair with someone else"? "What makes you think that I am having an affair"? "When do you think that I spend time with this man or woman"? In answering these questions the accuser will probably reveal his/her need for you as their partner and fear that you might leave. This will make discussion easier as it is getting closer to the true source of the problem. That being not the returning home from work later or seeming to have less interest in sex; these are just the happenings that have triggered insecurity in the accuser.
It might help to share with your partner the everyday reason as to why you are returning from work later or for any other change in your behaviour. Keeping your jealous partner informed would ease their insecurities.
In the same vein if you have a jealousy problem just imagine how irritating it would feel to have your partner constantly questioning how you spend your time when not in their company People tormenting themselves and their partners with jealousy need to learn trust. Your partner is not the parent or past partner who behaved badly in your eyes. Your jealous behaviour is the greatest threat to your relationship not other people who may find your partner attractive.Your partner has chosen you.
Remember the qualities that caused them to choose you and continue to display those qualities. If you are on the receiving end of displays of jealousy try to remember that your accuser is suffering too. It's hard to be sympathetic to someone who is behaving in this fashion. However it's a joint problem so you need to solve it together. Your partner must have some good and loving qualities or you would not be remaining in the relationship. Perhaps with patience and reassurance you can talk things through and solve your problem. It's unlikely to happen overnight. However reassurance could help your partner to relax leading to less jealous displays leading to a better relationship. Or you may need to seek professional help.
This article deals with the subject of irrational jealousy. The situation where life partners are actually having affairs is beyond its scope.
Finally, how to tell if something belongs to you? Let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, if it doesn't it isn't. This applies to people too.
Eileen is a psychologist who turned around her life in the area of relationships by applying the insights of psychology. She is now passionate about helping other women to do the same. Looking for your ideal man or want to improve your relationship claim Eileen's free "Love Magnet" report from her website http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk/ or email eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Eileen_Edwards
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Make Men Fall in Love - Five Things Men Won't Be Able to Resist
Be honest: We know you love your friends, but do you ever look at them and wonder what it is about them that makes men fall in love with them so easily? Do you feel like you are on the outside of the dating game looking in? Do you wish there were somewhere you could turn to learn the tricks of the seduction trade? If you are nodding your head right now, don't worry: You're about to learn the secrets of how to get a man's attention and make him fall in love.
Step #1: Create a solid foundation
A man won't respect you heart and soul if you throw yourself at him, no matter what we are lead to believe. It just doesn't work that way. To make him fall in love, start with friendship and move on from there.
Step #2: Make yourself irresistible
Make him lust after your mind and your soul, not just your body. Share your interests with him, and take an interest in his hobbies, too
Step #3: Be fun, have fun!
Don't get so caught up in making him fall in love with you that you forget how to have good old fashioned fun. Date your partner, don't interview him.
Step #4: Revel in being you
There is no point in making a man fall in love with you if you are pretending to be someone you aren't. True intimacy is built on deep mutual feelings for each other's true selves.
Step #5: Keep the sheets cool for awhile
There will be time for sex once the emotional groundwork has been laid, and anyway, your sexual relationship will be even more fulfilling if it is a physical manifestation of deep emotional connection and not simply the result of one steamy afternoon.
To make a man fall in love with you, focus on becoming his friend. Then, you can move toward a romantic partnership based on the strong friendship you have created. Finally, as the romance blooms and trust has been formed, the sexual aspect of the relationship can be explored. By taking these steps slowly, you can be assured that the man who comes along for the ride is worth travelling with.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
Step #1: Create a solid foundation
A man won't respect you heart and soul if you throw yourself at him, no matter what we are lead to believe. It just doesn't work that way. To make him fall in love, start with friendship and move on from there.
Step #2: Make yourself irresistible
Make him lust after your mind and your soul, not just your body. Share your interests with him, and take an interest in his hobbies, too
Step #3: Be fun, have fun!
Don't get so caught up in making him fall in love with you that you forget how to have good old fashioned fun. Date your partner, don't interview him.
Step #4: Revel in being you
There is no point in making a man fall in love with you if you are pretending to be someone you aren't. True intimacy is built on deep mutual feelings for each other's true selves.
Step #5: Keep the sheets cool for awhile
There will be time for sex once the emotional groundwork has been laid, and anyway, your sexual relationship will be even more fulfilling if it is a physical manifestation of deep emotional connection and not simply the result of one steamy afternoon.
To make a man fall in love with you, focus on becoming his friend. Then, you can move toward a romantic partnership based on the strong friendship you have created. Finally, as the romance blooms and trust has been formed, the sexual aspect of the relationship can be explored. By taking these steps slowly, you can be assured that the man who comes along for the ride is worth travelling with.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
Ever Wonder What Makes a Guy Fall in Love? Find Out Here!
Do you know what makes a guy fall in love? Are you feeling hopelessly and interminably single? Do you think you'll never be able to turn a casual relationship into something more long term? Don't fear. Making a man fall in love with you doesn't have to be a matter of spinning a roulette wheel and hoping for the best. In the next two minutes, you will learn how to make a man fall in love with you.
• Be his friend. • Be someone he can confide in • Be someone he can have fun with • Take an interest in what he loves • Teach him something • Learn from him • Know when to talk • Know when to listen • Know when to give him his space • Know when to give him your attention • Respect his friendships (even if you can't stand his friends) • Ditto about his mother • Trust him • Be trustworthy • Be confident • Take pride in yourself • Take care of yourself • Be comfortable in sweatpants (Don't be high maintenance!) • Be open to adventure • Understand that men and women are different (he's not going to think like you, so don't try) • Appreciate him for him • Embrace his quirks • Don't try to change him
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, be someone he will want to grow old with. Be the kind of woman he could see himself growing old with. It's not enough to be someone he is physically attracted to; your looks will fade. But if you are someone he can feel comfortable with, have fun with, talk to and be interested in for a long time, chances are he will be.
Every day, work at making your man feel like he is the only man in the world for you. Whether it's a love note on the bathroom mirror or simply a day to himself, make sure he knows you only have eyes for him. Men like the women in their lives to make them feel special, and the woman who can do that will be the one he loves. To make him fall in love with you, focus on your friendship first and then the rest will fall into place.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
• Be his friend. • Be someone he can confide in • Be someone he can have fun with • Take an interest in what he loves • Teach him something • Learn from him • Know when to talk • Know when to listen • Know when to give him his space • Know when to give him your attention • Respect his friendships (even if you can't stand his friends) • Ditto about his mother • Trust him • Be trustworthy • Be confident • Take pride in yourself • Take care of yourself • Be comfortable in sweatpants (Don't be high maintenance!) • Be open to adventure • Understand that men and women are different (he's not going to think like you, so don't try) • Appreciate him for him • Embrace his quirks • Don't try to change him
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, be someone he will want to grow old with. Be the kind of woman he could see himself growing old with. It's not enough to be someone he is physically attracted to; your looks will fade. But if you are someone he can feel comfortable with, have fun with, talk to and be interested in for a long time, chances are he will be.
Every day, work at making your man feel like he is the only man in the world for you. Whether it's a love note on the bathroom mirror or simply a day to himself, make sure he knows you only have eyes for him. Men like the women in their lives to make them feel special, and the woman who can do that will be the one he loves. To make him fall in love with you, focus on your friendship first and then the rest will fall into place.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Romantic Stimulus Package - How to Write a Love Song As a Romantic Gift to Your Intimate Partner
Are you looking for a gift that stimulates romance in your intimate relationship? Learn from a renowned composer how to write a simple love song as a romantic, everlasting gift to your intimate partner.
In 2006, a renowned composer named Peter Lieberson wrote a love song for his wife, mezzo soprano Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, so that she could perform it.
The New York Times called it a rapturously lyrical work for voice and orchestra, a setting of five sonnets by the Chilean poet, Pablo Neruda, that was like a love letter from the composer to his wife, who was grappling with breast cancer at the time.
Some of the last extraordinary performances she gave before her death at 52 in July, 2006 were of the "Neruda Songs". Mr. Lieberson wrote another piece for his wife that she was supposed to perform with the New York Philharmonic in May, 2006, but she was too ill to sing.
Soon after her death, Mr. Lieberson learned he had lymphoma. His illness delayed the premiere of "The World In Flowers" for three years until May 2009, when its debut received a warm ovation and a glowing review in the New York Times.
We are not concerned with critic's comments of Mr. Lieberson's cantatas; we're focused on his creative process and how to model it when you create a love song for your beloved.
What inspired his lyrics?
Mr. Lieberson included verses from romantic poet, Pablo Neruda, in both cantatas. For "The World In Flower," Mr. Lieberson assembled words from 11 mystics and poets that best expressed his exhilaration, tenderness and viewpoints on life and love. Then he matched the lyrics with music he composed.
How do you create your love song?
If you are not a music composer or lyricist, you can choose a stirring melody from a classical, country or pop piece of music. You can buy an instrumental or karaoke version of a song you like. Then you can assemble words and verses from authors you admire to use as lyrics for your love song.
You won't need to buy a legal license to use music or words of other composers or authors, unless you plan to perform your love songs in public.
If you're creating the love song as a romantic stimulus for your intimate relationship to be enjoyed solely by the two of you, feel free to choose music, words or verses that make you feel exhilarated, tender, romantic, and inspired by love. Then sing or record your love song and present it to your beloved as a testament to your everlasting love.
And if you're single and seeking a romantic muse for your love song, I invite you to meet savvy singles for video chats, expert interviews, book tours and travel adventures in the Singles Club of Tribe Of Blondes. Not a hair color, it's a resilient vibrant spirit that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.
Claim your free, one-month trial membership in this exciting online community of singles when you visit http://www.tribeofblondes.com and click on SINGLES CLUB.
This Singles Club was created by author, Hadley Finch, who wrote the novel TRIBE OF BLONDES.
Inspired by Hadley's online dating adventures in three continents after her long marriage ended in divorce, her novel reveals real strategies to help you survive a break up, start fresh and love again in the resilient spirit that gives the Tribe it's name.
TRIBE OF BLONDES is available on amazon, in your favorite book stores or in their online home at http://www.tribeofblondes.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hadley_Finch
In 2006, a renowned composer named Peter Lieberson wrote a love song for his wife, mezzo soprano Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, so that she could perform it.
The New York Times called it a rapturously lyrical work for voice and orchestra, a setting of five sonnets by the Chilean poet, Pablo Neruda, that was like a love letter from the composer to his wife, who was grappling with breast cancer at the time.
Some of the last extraordinary performances she gave before her death at 52 in July, 2006 were of the "Neruda Songs". Mr. Lieberson wrote another piece for his wife that she was supposed to perform with the New York Philharmonic in May, 2006, but she was too ill to sing.
Soon after her death, Mr. Lieberson learned he had lymphoma. His illness delayed the premiere of "The World In Flowers" for three years until May 2009, when its debut received a warm ovation and a glowing review in the New York Times.
We are not concerned with critic's comments of Mr. Lieberson's cantatas; we're focused on his creative process and how to model it when you create a love song for your beloved.
What inspired his lyrics?
Mr. Lieberson included verses from romantic poet, Pablo Neruda, in both cantatas. For "The World In Flower," Mr. Lieberson assembled words from 11 mystics and poets that best expressed his exhilaration, tenderness and viewpoints on life and love. Then he matched the lyrics with music he composed.
How do you create your love song?
If you are not a music composer or lyricist, you can choose a stirring melody from a classical, country or pop piece of music. You can buy an instrumental or karaoke version of a song you like. Then you can assemble words and verses from authors you admire to use as lyrics for your love song.
You won't need to buy a legal license to use music or words of other composers or authors, unless you plan to perform your love songs in public.
If you're creating the love song as a romantic stimulus for your intimate relationship to be enjoyed solely by the two of you, feel free to choose music, words or verses that make you feel exhilarated, tender, romantic, and inspired by love. Then sing or record your love song and present it to your beloved as a testament to your everlasting love.
And if you're single and seeking a romantic muse for your love song, I invite you to meet savvy singles for video chats, expert interviews, book tours and travel adventures in the Singles Club of Tribe Of Blondes. Not a hair color, it's a resilient vibrant spirit that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.
Claim your free, one-month trial membership in this exciting online community of singles when you visit http://www.tribeofblondes.com and click on SINGLES CLUB.
This Singles Club was created by author, Hadley Finch, who wrote the novel TRIBE OF BLONDES.
Inspired by Hadley's online dating adventures in three continents after her long marriage ended in divorce, her novel reveals real strategies to help you survive a break up, start fresh and love again in the resilient spirit that gives the Tribe it's name.
TRIBE OF BLONDES is available on amazon, in your favorite book stores or in their online home at http://www.tribeofblondes.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hadley_Finch
Tips For Women For Surviving Sexless Marriages - How to Improve the Intimacy in Your Relationship
Surviving sexless marriages isn't always easy. Once the intimacy starts to disappear out of a relationship it can be the beginnings of the loss of the entire marriage. Many couples who deal with sexless relationships lose the emotional connection too and will eventually divorce. If you're a woman in a situation like this you don't have to give in to the idea of your marriage falling apart. You can save the relationship and have a much richer, fulfilling intimate life with your spouse than you ever dreamt possible.
One of the best tips for surviving sexless marriages is to not place blame. Although your husband may be the one shying away from intimacy, you are his partner and therefore you're support is needed to solve the issue. First, think about what may be behind his unwillingness or inability to be intimate with you. It's not always a physical issue. Sometimes a man can feel emotionally disconnected from his spouse and this is behind his disinterest in sex. If there's an issue that has been eating away at the foundation of your marriage you should address it now. Work with your husband to find a way to resolve it so that extra tension isn't there anymore.
Weight is often a factor in why a woman doesn't want to share intimacy with her husband. The same thing can happen to a man. You may not think that improving body image is one of the ways of surviving sexless marriages, but it is. If you have noticed your husband complaining about the way he looks or he is often saying he needs to lose weight, subtly help him with that. Work together in the kitchen to cook healthier meals and start working out together. This will help forge a new bond between you two and as he starts to lose weight, you may just notice his libido increasing.
Specific things you say and do can encourage natural responses within your husband that make him crave to be intimate with you. Saying or doing the wrong thing will only worsen the problem and can lead to your husband feeling emotionally detached from you. Find out what you need to be doing to help your husband regain his desire for you from this Helpful Site.
Most couples struggle with discussing the issue of a sexless marriage and as a result, nothing ever changes and the wife becomes more and more frustrated. You can help your husband rediscover his desire for you. Don't waste another day wishing your intimate life was more fulfilling, change it now.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gillian_Reynolds
One of the best tips for surviving sexless marriages is to not place blame. Although your husband may be the one shying away from intimacy, you are his partner and therefore you're support is needed to solve the issue. First, think about what may be behind his unwillingness or inability to be intimate with you. It's not always a physical issue. Sometimes a man can feel emotionally disconnected from his spouse and this is behind his disinterest in sex. If there's an issue that has been eating away at the foundation of your marriage you should address it now. Work with your husband to find a way to resolve it so that extra tension isn't there anymore.
Weight is often a factor in why a woman doesn't want to share intimacy with her husband. The same thing can happen to a man. You may not think that improving body image is one of the ways of surviving sexless marriages, but it is. If you have noticed your husband complaining about the way he looks or he is often saying he needs to lose weight, subtly help him with that. Work together in the kitchen to cook healthier meals and start working out together. This will help forge a new bond between you two and as he starts to lose weight, you may just notice his libido increasing.
Specific things you say and do can encourage natural responses within your husband that make him crave to be intimate with you. Saying or doing the wrong thing will only worsen the problem and can lead to your husband feeling emotionally detached from you. Find out what you need to be doing to help your husband regain his desire for you from this Helpful Site.
Most couples struggle with discussing the issue of a sexless marriage and as a result, nothing ever changes and the wife becomes more and more frustrated. You can help your husband rediscover his desire for you. Don't waste another day wishing your intimate life was more fulfilling, change it now.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gillian_Reynolds
What is the Best Way to Kiss Him? Here's How to Make Him Go Crazy!
What's the best way to kiss him? Should you go first, or should you wait for him to make the move? Is there a way to make him want to kiss you even more than usual? It's always nice to kiss him for the first time, but remember that it can also set the tone for the rest of the relationship.
By today's standards, kissing him first is fine and acceptable. But by doing so, you run the risk of turning him off, since most of the better guys out there would like to be in control of the relationship -- even if it's just starting out. So it's usually better to wait until he makes the move.
But even then, you can do a few things to make him go crazy for the next kiss. The first kiss is usually light and sweet -- if you've seen the Will Smith movie "Hitch," he's likely to use the 90/10 rule. He'll go 90% of the distance, and wait for you to close the remaining 10% to make the kiss.
Here's the thing -- try not to get carried away with the first kiss. Kiss him lightly and quickly, holding it only as long as he does. When he pulls away, don't force the issue and end the kiss. The lull after the first kiss builds tension and anticipation, and this is precisely what can make him go crazy!
If you were talking before the first kiss, then continue the conversation after it. The longer the lull, the more anticipation it's going to build. If you don't resist, he'll lean in for another kiss -- again, keep the kiss relatively light, and pull away when he does.
After the conversation dies down to silence again and you're waiting for the inevitable third kiss, lean in first this time -- and you'll be surprised when he pulls you closer and kisses you more passionately. This is all that built-up tension getting released, and you'll love every moment of it.
The third kiss is often a good time to lean in for the kiss first, but you can keep teasing him by waiting a few more kisses. The longer you wait before you kiss him, the more he'll want it from you at the end.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
By today's standards, kissing him first is fine and acceptable. But by doing so, you run the risk of turning him off, since most of the better guys out there would like to be in control of the relationship -- even if it's just starting out. So it's usually better to wait until he makes the move.
But even then, you can do a few things to make him go crazy for the next kiss. The first kiss is usually light and sweet -- if you've seen the Will Smith movie "Hitch," he's likely to use the 90/10 rule. He'll go 90% of the distance, and wait for you to close the remaining 10% to make the kiss.
Here's the thing -- try not to get carried away with the first kiss. Kiss him lightly and quickly, holding it only as long as he does. When he pulls away, don't force the issue and end the kiss. The lull after the first kiss builds tension and anticipation, and this is precisely what can make him go crazy!
If you were talking before the first kiss, then continue the conversation after it. The longer the lull, the more anticipation it's going to build. If you don't resist, he'll lean in for another kiss -- again, keep the kiss relatively light, and pull away when he does.
After the conversation dies down to silence again and you're waiting for the inevitable third kiss, lean in first this time -- and you'll be surprised when he pulls you closer and kisses you more passionately. This is all that built-up tension getting released, and you'll love every moment of it.
The third kiss is often a good time to lean in for the kiss first, but you can keep teasing him by waiting a few more kisses. The longer you wait before you kiss him, the more he'll want it from you at the end.
If you are looking for a system to make every man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you, click Unforgettable Woman Advice. If you're ready for a highly effective method that's different from what every else is teaching, click 77 Secrets to Attract and Keep Him Now. You don't want to miss this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Guarding Against Emotional Abuse - 3 Strategies For Neutralizing the Effects
Emotional abuse is often more challenging to detect and identify than other types of abuse. There are no obvious marks on the body or physical wounds, yet the scars of emotional abuse run deep and are very damaging. Emotional abuse can manifest in different ways. Insults, criticism, controlling behaviors -- such as restricting your access to schooling, work, friends, family, or expecting you to "report" on your daily activities, can be emotional abuse. Demanding or withholding sex, or implying non-physical threats can also be emotionally abusive behavior. The result of the abuse is that the victim often feels worthless, incapable, and may even question his or her sanity. It isn't easy to reprogram the belief that you deserve that has been done to you - but it is possible. Here are 3 strategies for neutralizing the effects of verbal abuse:
1. Take very good care of yourself. Eat right, avoiding processed and sugary foods and sticking primarily with lean proteins, fresh fruit fruits and vegetables, and whole grains. Take vitamins and supplements if necessary. Most people can benefit from a food based multivitamin and fish oil, and your natural health care practitioner can recommend others particular to your health needs. Exercise regularly after checking with your doctor to determine the appropriate level of activity for you. Cardiovascular exercise is ideal for the purpose of elevating your mood and increasing positive body image. By doing all of these things, you are sending the message to yourself that you are worthy to be cared for.
2. Talk things out and spend time with those who love and support you. Friends and family are good for emotional support. Keep in mind, you need to reprogram the false messages your abuser delivered about you. The more you can saturate yourself in the truth, the easier it will be to believe it. Work through your emotions with a counselor, and work with a coach to inspire and encourage you to move forward making healthy choices.
3. Avoid contact with your emotional abuser whenever feasible. Ideally, you will sever all contact to facilitate your healing. If you absolutely must interact, like if you share children, stick closely to the topic of business you must discuss, and immediately disengage if the conversation turns personal or critical. Avoid defending yourself in any way and get off the phone or leave. Immediately call a friend or support person, or do something positive and affirming for yourself and your health.
By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?
For a free copy of my ebook, "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html
Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and "difficult" divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_E_Cook
1. Take very good care of yourself. Eat right, avoiding processed and sugary foods and sticking primarily with lean proteins, fresh fruit fruits and vegetables, and whole grains. Take vitamins and supplements if necessary. Most people can benefit from a food based multivitamin and fish oil, and your natural health care practitioner can recommend others particular to your health needs. Exercise regularly after checking with your doctor to determine the appropriate level of activity for you. Cardiovascular exercise is ideal for the purpose of elevating your mood and increasing positive body image. By doing all of these things, you are sending the message to yourself that you are worthy to be cared for.
2. Talk things out and spend time with those who love and support you. Friends and family are good for emotional support. Keep in mind, you need to reprogram the false messages your abuser delivered about you. The more you can saturate yourself in the truth, the easier it will be to believe it. Work through your emotions with a counselor, and work with a coach to inspire and encourage you to move forward making healthy choices.
3. Avoid contact with your emotional abuser whenever feasible. Ideally, you will sever all contact to facilitate your healing. If you absolutely must interact, like if you share children, stick closely to the topic of business you must discuss, and immediately disengage if the conversation turns personal or critical. Avoid defending yourself in any way and get off the phone or leave. Immediately call a friend or support person, or do something positive and affirming for yourself and your health.
By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?
For a free copy of my ebook, "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html
Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and "difficult" divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_E_Cook
Controlling Behavior - The 4 Ways an Abuser Controls His or Her Victim
Abuse is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of relationship abuse, but domestic abuse is really about control. And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. When perpetrators feel they are losing control, their means to exercise control escalates.
What are the primary ways an abuser controls his/her victim:
1) Always being right
The abuser truly believes in one perspective: his/her own. They are always right, therefore making you wrong when there is a difference between your perspective and theirs. They hold their power in having the final say...having their way.
2) Sense of entitlement
The abuser lives from an egocentric perspective. He/she doesn't see you for who you are, only for how you fulfill his/her wishes. They see the world through one set of eyes: their own. And they believe those around them exist merely to support their vision.
3) Manipulates to leverage
The abuser is highly manipulative. He/She utilizes a punishment reward system of withholding what supports you as your punishment (negative reinforcement) and promises of what supports you as your reward (positive reinforcement).
4) Batterers to make a point and get their way
The abuser uses direct battering (verbal, emotional, mental, psychological, physical or sexual) to establish and maintain unequal power in the relationship.
If you are in a relationship with an intimate partner, a friend, co-worker, sibling or a parent that evidences these four ways to exert control, you are dealing with an abuser. The sooner you see this as outside of yourself, rather than as a part of you, the easier it is to disengage from his/her control. And when you do, you'll open yourself to finding and being yourself, exerting your own control as it serves your higher interest and well-being.
If you want to understand the dynamics of controlling relationships, I invite you to check out Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Identifying Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from abusive relationships. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jeanne_King,_Ph.D.
What are the primary ways an abuser controls his/her victim:
1) Always being right
The abuser truly believes in one perspective: his/her own. They are always right, therefore making you wrong when there is a difference between your perspective and theirs. They hold their power in having the final say...having their way.
2) Sense of entitlement
The abuser lives from an egocentric perspective. He/she doesn't see you for who you are, only for how you fulfill his/her wishes. They see the world through one set of eyes: their own. And they believe those around them exist merely to support their vision.
3) Manipulates to leverage
The abuser is highly manipulative. He/She utilizes a punishment reward system of withholding what supports you as your punishment (negative reinforcement) and promises of what supports you as your reward (positive reinforcement).
4) Batterers to make a point and get their way
The abuser uses direct battering (verbal, emotional, mental, psychological, physical or sexual) to establish and maintain unequal power in the relationship.
If you are in a relationship with an intimate partner, a friend, co-worker, sibling or a parent that evidences these four ways to exert control, you are dealing with an abuser. The sooner you see this as outside of yourself, rather than as a part of you, the easier it is to disengage from his/her control. And when you do, you'll open yourself to finding and being yourself, exerting your own control as it serves your higher interest and well-being.
If you want to understand the dynamics of controlling relationships, I invite you to check out Domestic Abuse Dynamics: Identifying Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from abusive relationships. http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jeanne_King,_Ph.D.
How Rihanna Can Be a Positive Role Model For Teenagers
Children today are caught in the crosshairs of modern media. Technology has become their babysitter -reality TV, nude photos on the Internet, bizarre videos on YouTube, seductive text messages. It's time for these young people to be exposed instead to role models who have the potential to inspire them to do the right thing. But instead of symbols of stability, they're finding other adolescents living through their own crises.
On the day of the Grammys, R&B singer Chris Brown allegedly beat up his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, after an altercation over text messages that Brown received from another woman. Pundits, bloggers and reporters are weighing in. Some support Rihanna and are intent on not blaming the victim. Others want her to face the situation head-on and take a strong stand.
Rihanna is young, talented, and at the top of the musical charts. She's also a potential example for our youth. But first she has to heal herself. Oprah Winfrey suggested that Rihanna give it some time and get counseling. What follows are ideas that she could take to heart for herself - and as a spokeswoman for all of the young women and men who look up to her.
1. Take a step back and take care of yourself. You deserve some time alone. And the chance to be safe, both physically and emotionally. This will help you see the details of your situation from a different angle. Listening to your inner voice can provide comfort and reassurance as you recognize your basic character strengths. Focus on what's important, as you try to integrate core values and personal ideals into how you want to live your life.
2. Explore your negative emotions. When trust is broken, if you or your partner have made bad decisions, there can be a buildup of frustration, anger or disappointment, even despair as you make efforts to adapt to the new reality. It may become apparent how much you've changed and how far apart the two of you have grown. And you'll see what steps to take next, for your own good.
3. Get the help you need now. Find an individual therapist or life coach who will guide your healing as you decide how to move forward. It's important to develop positive self-regard, confidence and the life skills for this. The therapy should focus on areas such as cognitive behavioral change, communication, anger management, stress reduction and control strategies. Stay in treatment as long as you need in order to figure out what to do.
4. Recognize the value of support from others. Talking to friends and family can clarify your needs as you work through your feelings. Listening to a second or third objective opinion will provide you with further insight, direction and encouragement.
5. Find perspective in order to grow. Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster ride is normal. If you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.
6. Search for deeper meaning in your life. As you redefine your self, it can lead to your gradually feeling more powerful. By accepting the person you are becoming, you will be able to go from being afraid of being alone to feeling excited about what's ahead in your future.
Rihanna's situation has been tried in the court of public opinion. And it doesn't seem as if anyone is in favor of her taking Chris back. It must be hard for her to be a public face in private pain. But she is dealing with a reality that all teenagers need to be informed about - that physical and emotional abuse are dangerous. Rihanna has the platform to demonstrate the benefits of making smart choices. And she can act in her own best interests, for herself and all the young fans who admire her and continue to watch her every move.
© 2009, Her Mentor Center
Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D is the founder of http://HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, a blog for the Sandwich Generation. She publishes a free monthly newsletter and is the author of a forthcoming book about family relationships. As a psychotherapist, she has over 25 years of private practice experience.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Phyllis_Goldberg,_Ph.D.
On the day of the Grammys, R&B singer Chris Brown allegedly beat up his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, after an altercation over text messages that Brown received from another woman. Pundits, bloggers and reporters are weighing in. Some support Rihanna and are intent on not blaming the victim. Others want her to face the situation head-on and take a strong stand.
Rihanna is young, talented, and at the top of the musical charts. She's also a potential example for our youth. But first she has to heal herself. Oprah Winfrey suggested that Rihanna give it some time and get counseling. What follows are ideas that she could take to heart for herself - and as a spokeswoman for all of the young women and men who look up to her.
1. Take a step back and take care of yourself. You deserve some time alone. And the chance to be safe, both physically and emotionally. This will help you see the details of your situation from a different angle. Listening to your inner voice can provide comfort and reassurance as you recognize your basic character strengths. Focus on what's important, as you try to integrate core values and personal ideals into how you want to live your life.
2. Explore your negative emotions. When trust is broken, if you or your partner have made bad decisions, there can be a buildup of frustration, anger or disappointment, even despair as you make efforts to adapt to the new reality. It may become apparent how much you've changed and how far apart the two of you have grown. And you'll see what steps to take next, for your own good.
3. Get the help you need now. Find an individual therapist or life coach who will guide your healing as you decide how to move forward. It's important to develop positive self-regard, confidence and the life skills for this. The therapy should focus on areas such as cognitive behavioral change, communication, anger management, stress reduction and control strategies. Stay in treatment as long as you need in order to figure out what to do.
4. Recognize the value of support from others. Talking to friends and family can clarify your needs as you work through your feelings. Listening to a second or third objective opinion will provide you with further insight, direction and encouragement.
5. Find perspective in order to grow. Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster ride is normal. If you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.
6. Search for deeper meaning in your life. As you redefine your self, it can lead to your gradually feeling more powerful. By accepting the person you are becoming, you will be able to go from being afraid of being alone to feeling excited about what's ahead in your future.
Rihanna's situation has been tried in the court of public opinion. And it doesn't seem as if anyone is in favor of her taking Chris back. It must be hard for her to be a public face in private pain. But she is dealing with a reality that all teenagers need to be informed about - that physical and emotional abuse are dangerous. Rihanna has the platform to demonstrate the benefits of making smart choices. And she can act in her own best interests, for herself and all the young fans who admire her and continue to watch her every move.
© 2009, Her Mentor Center
Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D is the founder of http://HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, a blog for the Sandwich Generation. She publishes a free monthly newsletter and is the author of a forthcoming book about family relationships. As a psychotherapist, she has over 25 years of private practice experience.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Phyllis_Goldberg,_Ph.D.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Ability to Be Alone is Key to Having a Good Relationship
Are you staying in a bad relationship because you're afraid of being alone? If the prospect of being alone scares you more than the unhealthy relationship you're in, learn why the ability to be alone is actually the key ingredient to having a good relationship and a good life.
1. Nothing is lonelier than being in an unloving relationship.
It is one thing to get lonely when you are by yourself. You look around and no one is there.
It is another thing to lie next to your partner in bed and feel all alone. Nothing is lonelier than that.
2. To know what makes you feel good, you must spend time alone.
There is only one way to know who you are really are - you must spend time alone.
Alone time allows us to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. For the first time we are then able to hear our own voice.
So much of the time we are busy trying to figure out how to make the other person like us; we need time alone to figure out how we can like ourselves.
3. Things come out when you are alone - that is good.
Being alone, eventually the mind begins to quiet down and things that were in darkness begin to come to the light.
Our frame of reference narrows; we become Self-referring, i.e., we look inside for the answers, rather than outside, to others.
4. Everyone feels lonely sometimes - this is natural and normal.
Loneliness is part of the human condition. It is the existential slice of life that can never be changed; you will always feel lonely at times.
Being lonely is different than being alone. Being alone is a choice that we make because we enjoy our own company.
5. If you can be alone, you have inner strength.
You also have self-esteem and self respect.
If you like what you've read, preview and purchase Chandra's books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html
Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest, Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly "Reality Check". Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness
For more information, visit Chandra's homepage Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chandra_Alexander
1. Nothing is lonelier than being in an unloving relationship.
It is one thing to get lonely when you are by yourself. You look around and no one is there.
It is another thing to lie next to your partner in bed and feel all alone. Nothing is lonelier than that.
2. To know what makes you feel good, you must spend time alone.
There is only one way to know who you are really are - you must spend time alone.
Alone time allows us to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. For the first time we are then able to hear our own voice.
So much of the time we are busy trying to figure out how to make the other person like us; we need time alone to figure out how we can like ourselves.
3. Things come out when you are alone - that is good.
Being alone, eventually the mind begins to quiet down and things that were in darkness begin to come to the light.
Our frame of reference narrows; we become Self-referring, i.e., we look inside for the answers, rather than outside, to others.
4. Everyone feels lonely sometimes - this is natural and normal.
Loneliness is part of the human condition. It is the existential slice of life that can never be changed; you will always feel lonely at times.
Being lonely is different than being alone. Being alone is a choice that we make because we enjoy our own company.
5. If you can be alone, you have inner strength.
You also have self-esteem and self respect.
If you like what you've read, preview and purchase Chandra's books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html
Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest, Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly "Reality Check". Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness
For more information, visit Chandra's homepage Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chandra_Alexander
How Can You Love Someone and Let Them Go?
Have you ever been in love with a man who didn't treat you well? Have you ever stayed just a minute too long in a relationship you had hoped would change ... and you're still waiting? Have you ever compromised your safety or feelings just to be accepted by a man? Are you still waiting on him to stop drinking ... to stop yelling ... abusing ... cheating ... lying ... hurting you?
Isn't it ironic that your dream became your worse nightmare? The love that at one time had been irresistible is now abusive and lacking in quality. Your love story is now a drudge story filled with angst and loneliness. You're unhappy in a relationship with a man who is not the man you thought you knew.
So where do you go from here or better yet, are you able to go from here? For millions of married women the choice to move along isn't an easy choice. A lot of women have to consider their children, finances, shelter, and ultimately an entire lifestyle change. The odds are over-whelming. But I believe the odds of staying are just as daunting.
Ask yourself if the rest of your life worth living in such misery or do you have every right to be happy again. It's understandable that you love your husband or boyfriend. And that letting him go was not part of the original plan. The happy ever after love story you grew up believing in didn't come with an alternate ending.
There's no road map for you to follow that tells you what to do after a divorce. This is unknown territory and the challenge is great because you have lived your life always knowing what to do - college, work, meet soul mate, marriage, have children and start your own family and then live happily ever after.
Great story but fortunately (and yes, I said fortunately) life doesn't work that way. People think that the fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce is a bad thing. Maybe it's a wakeup call to women and men that the road map we have been following is not everyone's journey. Maybe its bad advice given by a majority of people who believe that marriage, family, and structure is the answer to security but not happiness.
But having lived that advice you know differently. You know that happily ever after for you at this time in your life is just a dream. You're stuck loving a man who doesn't love you. Do you remember the saying, "If there's a will ... you'll find a way?" Now that is some good advice. If you strongly desire to let go of your relationship and create the life of your dreams, a way will be made for you but you have to believe, feel, and act your dream into existence.
What you don't know can hurt your relationship
http://www.FeleciaTownsend.info
Felecia Townsend is a relationship enthusiast and personal coach. She has spent years learning the art of successful relationships and through her philanthropic writing is giving back to the community that has given her so much
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Felecia_Townsend
Isn't it ironic that your dream became your worse nightmare? The love that at one time had been irresistible is now abusive and lacking in quality. Your love story is now a drudge story filled with angst and loneliness. You're unhappy in a relationship with a man who is not the man you thought you knew.
So where do you go from here or better yet, are you able to go from here? For millions of married women the choice to move along isn't an easy choice. A lot of women have to consider their children, finances, shelter, and ultimately an entire lifestyle change. The odds are over-whelming. But I believe the odds of staying are just as daunting.
Ask yourself if the rest of your life worth living in such misery or do you have every right to be happy again. It's understandable that you love your husband or boyfriend. And that letting him go was not part of the original plan. The happy ever after love story you grew up believing in didn't come with an alternate ending.
There's no road map for you to follow that tells you what to do after a divorce. This is unknown territory and the challenge is great because you have lived your life always knowing what to do - college, work, meet soul mate, marriage, have children and start your own family and then live happily ever after.
Great story but fortunately (and yes, I said fortunately) life doesn't work that way. People think that the fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce is a bad thing. Maybe it's a wakeup call to women and men that the road map we have been following is not everyone's journey. Maybe its bad advice given by a majority of people who believe that marriage, family, and structure is the answer to security but not happiness.
But having lived that advice you know differently. You know that happily ever after for you at this time in your life is just a dream. You're stuck loving a man who doesn't love you. Do you remember the saying, "If there's a will ... you'll find a way?" Now that is some good advice. If you strongly desire to let go of your relationship and create the life of your dreams, a way will be made for you but you have to believe, feel, and act your dream into existence.
What you don't know can hurt your relationship
http://www.FeleciaTownsend.info
Felecia Townsend is a relationship enthusiast and personal coach. She has spent years learning the art of successful relationships and through her philanthropic writing is giving back to the community that has given her so much
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Felecia_Townsend
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My Husband Cheated But I Still Love Him - Is This Wrong?
I never understood women who stood by their husbands after they cheated, until the same thing happened to me. Turning off your feelings like a light switch or just forgetting all of the good times is easier said than done. And, I know that I'm alone in feeling this way. I get a lot of emails from wives that say things like: "my husband cheated and I am furious with him, but I can't help it. I still love him," or "how spineless am I? My husband cheated on me, but I can't kick him out or turn my back on him. I still love him. I don't want to let this destroy my family. Am I wrong to feel this way?," or "I hate what he did, but I still love him. What's wrong with me?" I'll try to answer these questions in the following article.
Whatever You Feel Is Valid: First, I want to reassure you that no matter what you are feeling right now, it's perfectly normal and it's absolutely valid. Your feelings and reactions following finding out about the affair are going to run the gauntlet and probably will differ from day to day. One day you may be furious. The next you may be sad. Another day you may be guilty or ashamed. These fluctuating feelings, although frustrating, are absolutely natural.
You'll have to be patient with yourself as you process this. Healing doesn't not happen over night and it is isn't linear. You'll often move forward only to regress a bit later. That doesn't mean that you're delayed or not progressing. It just means that an affair is a very hard blow and is very difficult to maneuver.
Don't Worry About What Others Think: One thing that was very difficult for me to get over is the fear of what others thought of me. I made the mistake of telling most of my girlfriends about the affair. So, they were just as angry at my husband as I was. This felt good at first, but as I began to suspect that I wanted to save my marriage, I began to get comments like "just keep an eye on him so that he doesn't do it again," or "you're a better person than I am. If my husband cheated on me, I'd kick him out immediately," or "isn't cheating a deal breaker? How could you possibly even consider taking him back?"
Of course, these things made me doubt what I was feeling and had me feeling like I was constantly wrong or had no backbone whatsoever. One day, a new friend (who didn't know my husband) gave me some very good advice. She said: "Listen, the only one who has to live your life is you. The only one who should be concerned with your marriage is you and your husband. You are the only one who knows if his actions are good enough for you. And that's the only one who matters - you."
This really struck a cord with me. The truth is, my friends were only in my life for a few minutes per day, but my husband had walked the path with me for years, had raised my children with me, and knew me like no one else. These things could not be discounted just because my friends didn't see them or hadn't experienced them.
Separating The Person From The Act: I often think that people who just can not forgive the affair no matter how hard they try are those who are unable to separate the person (their husband) from the actions (the affair.) They are never able to get to the place where they can't think about their husbands and the affair simultaneously.
But, some people are able to do this - which is why forgiveness and another chance are sometimes possible. This was the case for me. It took a long time, but eventually, I was able to separate the man who had sacrificed for our family from the man who made one bad decision. Some people are never able to do this, and that's perfectly normal too. But, it's just as normal (and as healthy) to be able to separate the two.
Some Things That May Help You Feel Better About Still Loving Him: After a while, I decided that although I did still love my husband, there were things that I needed to move forward while maintaining my self respect. I needed to know that my husband was willing to do the work necessary to ensure that this would never happen to me again. I needed for him to be truly remorseful and to check in frequently. I needed for him to have no secrets from me, no matter how small. And, I needed for him to support me while I did some individual work on myself.
He was glad to do these things and his willingness indicated to me that he was trustworthy, sorry, and that the marriage that was worth fighting for.
This decision is very individual and there is no right or wrong answer. But, if you still love your husband after an affair, that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that you were able to separate the person from the act and that you've chosen your marital history over one bad decision.
I know that working through the aftermath of an affair is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Katie_Lersch
Whatever You Feel Is Valid: First, I want to reassure you that no matter what you are feeling right now, it's perfectly normal and it's absolutely valid. Your feelings and reactions following finding out about the affair are going to run the gauntlet and probably will differ from day to day. One day you may be furious. The next you may be sad. Another day you may be guilty or ashamed. These fluctuating feelings, although frustrating, are absolutely natural.
You'll have to be patient with yourself as you process this. Healing doesn't not happen over night and it is isn't linear. You'll often move forward only to regress a bit later. That doesn't mean that you're delayed or not progressing. It just means that an affair is a very hard blow and is very difficult to maneuver.
Don't Worry About What Others Think: One thing that was very difficult for me to get over is the fear of what others thought of me. I made the mistake of telling most of my girlfriends about the affair. So, they were just as angry at my husband as I was. This felt good at first, but as I began to suspect that I wanted to save my marriage, I began to get comments like "just keep an eye on him so that he doesn't do it again," or "you're a better person than I am. If my husband cheated on me, I'd kick him out immediately," or "isn't cheating a deal breaker? How could you possibly even consider taking him back?"
Of course, these things made me doubt what I was feeling and had me feeling like I was constantly wrong or had no backbone whatsoever. One day, a new friend (who didn't know my husband) gave me some very good advice. She said: "Listen, the only one who has to live your life is you. The only one who should be concerned with your marriage is you and your husband. You are the only one who knows if his actions are good enough for you. And that's the only one who matters - you."
This really struck a cord with me. The truth is, my friends were only in my life for a few minutes per day, but my husband had walked the path with me for years, had raised my children with me, and knew me like no one else. These things could not be discounted just because my friends didn't see them or hadn't experienced them.
Separating The Person From The Act: I often think that people who just can not forgive the affair no matter how hard they try are those who are unable to separate the person (their husband) from the actions (the affair.) They are never able to get to the place where they can't think about their husbands and the affair simultaneously.
But, some people are able to do this - which is why forgiveness and another chance are sometimes possible. This was the case for me. It took a long time, but eventually, I was able to separate the man who had sacrificed for our family from the man who made one bad decision. Some people are never able to do this, and that's perfectly normal too. But, it's just as normal (and as healthy) to be able to separate the two.
Some Things That May Help You Feel Better About Still Loving Him: After a while, I decided that although I did still love my husband, there were things that I needed to move forward while maintaining my self respect. I needed to know that my husband was willing to do the work necessary to ensure that this would never happen to me again. I needed for him to be truly remorseful and to check in frequently. I needed for him to have no secrets from me, no matter how small. And, I needed for him to support me while I did some individual work on myself.
He was glad to do these things and his willingness indicated to me that he was trustworthy, sorry, and that the marriage that was worth fighting for.
This decision is very individual and there is no right or wrong answer. But, if you still love your husband after an affair, that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that you were able to separate the person from the act and that you've chosen your marital history over one bad decision.
I know that working through the aftermath of an affair is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Katie_Lersch
Three strategies that will help you move on after coming out of a toxic relationship
Successful relationships are always based on mutual love and respect. Toxic relationships are harmful and give little pleasure, and they are more difficult to get out of than they are to get into. Your partner is always running you down, so you feel run down. Your partner has always controlled everything and you get used to this and accept it.
Then one day something happens and you suddenly realise that this is not what you merit for the rest of your life. Not everything is wrong but there is enough there of the bad to make you realise that you should really move on. But how can you get out of it?
These are "Three strategies that will help you move on after coming out of a toxic relationship" that will help you have a clean conscience while you work on your decision to leave.
1 Remember the times you enjoyed yourself and the reasons why you decided you wanted out. Write down a list of all the good and the bad things concerning your relationship and keep it at hand. Then every time you think of speaking to you ex or trying to get together again, you can see the reasons that made you decide to end everything. There would certainly have been moments of pleasure or you would have got out sooner, but in the end you must consider what is right for you.
2 Get out and meet new people and see the family and friends who you stopped meeting because your ex did not like them, and perhaps get some counselling if you think it could help you. Those who appreciate you will likely help you as they no doubt did not appreciate how your ex behaved towards you.. Make the most of this time to see new things and follow activities you liked and have not been able to pursue when you were with your ex. 3 Start doing some serious thinking about yourself and above all don't rush immediately off into a new affair; take your time. You must understand how you were drawn into your previous relationship with its unhealthy characteristics to avoid falling into a similar situation again. When you feel ready start dating other people but take your time.
T 'Dub' Jackson has written a no nonsense, simple, easy to read guide called "The Magic of Making Up". He has been able to help many thousands of people throughout the world , in your and other similar situations. I recommend you to read it. .
Joe Bisley
For further information click here http://joebisley.blogspot.com
Then one day something happens and you suddenly realise that this is not what you merit for the rest of your life. Not everything is wrong but there is enough there of the bad to make you realise that you should really move on. But how can you get out of it?
These are "Three strategies that will help you move on after coming out of a toxic relationship" that will help you have a clean conscience while you work on your decision to leave.
1 Remember the times you enjoyed yourself and the reasons why you decided you wanted out. Write down a list of all the good and the bad things concerning your relationship and keep it at hand. Then every time you think of speaking to you ex or trying to get together again, you can see the reasons that made you decide to end everything. There would certainly have been moments of pleasure or you would have got out sooner, but in the end you must consider what is right for you.
2 Get out and meet new people and see the family and friends who you stopped meeting because your ex did not like them, and perhaps get some counselling if you think it could help you. Those who appreciate you will likely help you as they no doubt did not appreciate how your ex behaved towards you.. Make the most of this time to see new things and follow activities you liked and have not been able to pursue when you were with your ex. 3 Start doing some serious thinking about yourself and above all don't rush immediately off into a new affair; take your time. You must understand how you were drawn into your previous relationship with its unhealthy characteristics to avoid falling into a similar situation again. When you feel ready start dating other people but take your time.
T 'Dub' Jackson has written a no nonsense, simple, easy to read guide called "The Magic of Making Up". He has been able to help many thousands of people throughout the world , in your and other similar situations. I recommend you to read it. .
Joe Bisley
For further information click here http://joebisley.blogspot.com
Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Dignity
When you try to win ex boyfriend back you may feel like you need to go begging on your hands and knees. You may feel that you have to lower yourself and lose every bit of pride that you have. The breakup may have gone a long way towards hurting your pride as it is, there is no need to further hurt your self image. There is no reason that you shouldn't be able to win ex boyfriend back and retain some dignity.
You may feel that you need to go begging back to him but there are things that you can do that won't make that necessary. If you got dumped that was enough to hurt the way you look at yourself. If you broke up with him then, realizing you made a huge mistake, you may feel that you have to go crawling back to ask for forgiveness. That may not be what you need to do to win ex boyfriend back.
If he broke up with you, think about what it was that drew him to you in the first place. What was the attitude you had then? How was your spirit? If you want to rekindle that love that was once there, try putting all the elements back that caused the fire in the first place. Whatever you do, let yourself be visible to him. Let him see that you are still the same person that he fell in love with once. Let him also know that you know he sees you. Be obvious that you are that person again. If he doesn't notice you, someone else just might and that might not be a bad thing. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If there is another horse there, they may be more appreciative of what you have to offer.
If you broke up with him, and you believe that it was a mistake, let him know. Let him know that he has every right to be mad but tell him that you don't expect to have him come back. Tell him, "Whatever happens from this point is OK with me. I just wanted to let you know that I made a big mistake with you and I'm sorry if I hurt you." Ask for forgiveness, but don't beg for it. Begging is not a good way to win ex boyfriend back.
Also, don't ask to be reunited. You should let him know that you don't expect a second chance and you probably don't deserve one but you really wish that things had worked out differently. Say your piece and then walk away. If he is interested in getting back together with you or is curious about what you are trying to do then let him make the move. It takes strength and character to admit a mistake and an equal amount of it to take the consequences. If he is as special as you believe him to be, he will notice what you have just done and will want to be your boyfriend once again.
Unless you have some amazing love spells, you may find it a huge challenge to win ex boyfriend back. If he is the one and the result is supposed to be marriage or a life long relationship then it will happen. The trick is to get him involved and make it seem like he is pursuing you. Make him want you, again. As hard as it is to do and as humiliated as you could feel, just know that there is a way to win ex boyfriend back and have some dignity doing it.
About the Author
Kolawole is the publisher of Niche Newsletter! a compilation of well researched articles. For more articles on saving your relationships, check out Kolawole's blog!
You may feel that you need to go begging back to him but there are things that you can do that won't make that necessary. If you got dumped that was enough to hurt the way you look at yourself. If you broke up with him then, realizing you made a huge mistake, you may feel that you have to go crawling back to ask for forgiveness. That may not be what you need to do to win ex boyfriend back.
If he broke up with you, think about what it was that drew him to you in the first place. What was the attitude you had then? How was your spirit? If you want to rekindle that love that was once there, try putting all the elements back that caused the fire in the first place. Whatever you do, let yourself be visible to him. Let him see that you are still the same person that he fell in love with once. Let him also know that you know he sees you. Be obvious that you are that person again. If he doesn't notice you, someone else just might and that might not be a bad thing. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If there is another horse there, they may be more appreciative of what you have to offer.
If you broke up with him, and you believe that it was a mistake, let him know. Let him know that he has every right to be mad but tell him that you don't expect to have him come back. Tell him, "Whatever happens from this point is OK with me. I just wanted to let you know that I made a big mistake with you and I'm sorry if I hurt you." Ask for forgiveness, but don't beg for it. Begging is not a good way to win ex boyfriend back.
Also, don't ask to be reunited. You should let him know that you don't expect a second chance and you probably don't deserve one but you really wish that things had worked out differently. Say your piece and then walk away. If he is interested in getting back together with you or is curious about what you are trying to do then let him make the move. It takes strength and character to admit a mistake and an equal amount of it to take the consequences. If he is as special as you believe him to be, he will notice what you have just done and will want to be your boyfriend once again.
Unless you have some amazing love spells, you may find it a huge challenge to win ex boyfriend back. If he is the one and the result is supposed to be marriage or a life long relationship then it will happen. The trick is to get him involved and make it seem like he is pursuing you. Make him want you, again. As hard as it is to do and as humiliated as you could feel, just know that there is a way to win ex boyfriend back and have some dignity doing it.
About the Author
Kolawole is the publisher of Niche Newsletter! a compilation of well researched articles. For more articles on saving your relationships, check out Kolawole's blog!
Friday, February 20, 2009
How To Get A Hot Girl
Would you believe that you can get a girl to like you even if you look like an African gorilla? Would you believe that you can have hot women begging you for dates even if you may be a little vertically challenged, have bad skin, or not be your ideal height for weight? Do you honestly believe that only wealthy unattractive men can attract the hot women? Do you find to imagine this isn't so?
You may want to ask; how do I get a hot girl to like me? Just relax and be yourself. I would not you to be pessimistic about it at this point. What you need to realize is that in the past, you were trying to be someone that you weren't. Once you have lost your self esteem and become nervous, it is easy to stop displaying your real personality to women.
if you are still of the opinion that you will win a girl by behave the way they want or try to adjust yourself into saying the things they want to hear. You are all wrong! Firstly, most girls like men for their originality. Secondly, all women are tired of common jists guys rehearse to woo a lady, yes they have heard them all before.
Getting a girl comes down to being attractive. No, this does not mean cosmetic surgery or designer clothes. Being attractive to women involves making them see your humorous side, your fun side, your adventurous side. You may note that there is absolutely no mention of having to display your black credit card or sports car.
While you may believe from the media that looks and money and power are the three vital ingredients for getting hot women, they are not. Well, they maybe for some gold diggers, but we are talking about real women here.
Has your battered self confidence buried your real personality? Unsure how to get started? Want to know more on how to get women? You can get hot girls to like you with just a few little secret personality adjustments.
About the Author
Now You Can Stop Your Break Up. Divorce or Lovers Rejection...Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless! or Do you simply want to get your ex back? You can get more on this here.
You may want to ask; how do I get a hot girl to like me? Just relax and be yourself. I would not you to be pessimistic about it at this point. What you need to realize is that in the past, you were trying to be someone that you weren't. Once you have lost your self esteem and become nervous, it is easy to stop displaying your real personality to women.
if you are still of the opinion that you will win a girl by behave the way they want or try to adjust yourself into saying the things they want to hear. You are all wrong! Firstly, most girls like men for their originality. Secondly, all women are tired of common jists guys rehearse to woo a lady, yes they have heard them all before.
Getting a girl comes down to being attractive. No, this does not mean cosmetic surgery or designer clothes. Being attractive to women involves making them see your humorous side, your fun side, your adventurous side. You may note that there is absolutely no mention of having to display your black credit card or sports car.
While you may believe from the media that looks and money and power are the three vital ingredients for getting hot women, they are not. Well, they maybe for some gold diggers, but we are talking about real women here.
Has your battered self confidence buried your real personality? Unsure how to get started? Want to know more on how to get women? You can get hot girls to like you with just a few little secret personality adjustments.
About the Author
Now You Can Stop Your Break Up. Divorce or Lovers Rejection...Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless! or Do you simply want to get your ex back? You can get more on this here.
Breaking Up Advice
Tip #1 Never Deny Your Feelings
Acknowledge your grief over your break up. Breaking up is the hardest thing to do! But, denying your feelings is dangerous on the body and most especially on the mind than going through them. You have to strictly take up this break up advice by expressing your grief in the best way you could do it because it is for real.
The only way to let it go is to permit your grief to be released by expressing it. Without this difficult stage of the break up, we could never move pass the loss. Don't ever feel pressured to hide or deny your emotions, but to accept them for what they truly are. You will really be good with yourself after going through the emotions. Breaking up hurts and so do you!
Tip #2
Be willing to accept the break up and be prepared to hurt: this preparation, alone, will help diminish the amount of pain you will go through and also make sure you accept this with a positive attitude. Thereafter you will become a better person emotionally.
Tip #3
Then, you really have to work on yourself not to allow the whole event that happens to you make you bitter in anyway. I say this again avoid bitterness! This is helpful such that you can always move to the next relationship without bringing into it the old junks in your previous. Also, you might not be able to see clearly the decent qualities your new partner may have because you could be blinded by the veil of bitterness towards your former partner.
You need to acquaint yourself with the emotional stage you might need to go through during a break up. There are 3 major emotional stages you may go through, so expect them. They are highlighted below as:
• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Depression
So go ahead and arm yourself against the negative effects that may have on you.
About the Author
Now You Can Stop Your Break Up. Divorce&;a href="www.secrets-of-making-up.blogspot.com">Lovers Rejection...Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless! or Do you simply want to get your ex back? You can get more on this here.
Acknowledge your grief over your break up. Breaking up is the hardest thing to do! But, denying your feelings is dangerous on the body and most especially on the mind than going through them. You have to strictly take up this break up advice by expressing your grief in the best way you could do it because it is for real.
The only way to let it go is to permit your grief to be released by expressing it. Without this difficult stage of the break up, we could never move pass the loss. Don't ever feel pressured to hide or deny your emotions, but to accept them for what they truly are. You will really be good with yourself after going through the emotions. Breaking up hurts and so do you!
Tip #2
Be willing to accept the break up and be prepared to hurt: this preparation, alone, will help diminish the amount of pain you will go through and also make sure you accept this with a positive attitude. Thereafter you will become a better person emotionally.
Tip #3
Then, you really have to work on yourself not to allow the whole event that happens to you make you bitter in anyway. I say this again avoid bitterness! This is helpful such that you can always move to the next relationship without bringing into it the old junks in your previous. Also, you might not be able to see clearly the decent qualities your new partner may have because you could be blinded by the veil of bitterness towards your former partner.
You need to acquaint yourself with the emotional stage you might need to go through during a break up. There are 3 major emotional stages you may go through, so expect them. They are highlighted below as:
• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Depression
So go ahead and arm yourself against the negative effects that may have on you.
About the Author
Now You Can Stop Your Break Up. Divorce&;a href="www.secrets-of-making-up.blogspot.com">Lovers Rejection...Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless! or Do you simply want to get your ex back? You can get more on this here.
Unbroken Relationships: How To Spice Up Your Relationships.
Unbroken Relationships - Firstly, we have to find an understanding of what it means to be involved in one. So the question is, what does it take to not only enjoy but also spice up relationships?
Enjoying unbroken relationships and spicing them up mean different things to different people. However, this kind of adult relationships generally involve two people who respect each other, can communicate, and have equal rights, opportunities and responsibilities. Most of us would also expect our relationship with our partner to include love, intimacy and sexual expression, commitment, compatibility and companionship which all add up to bring the best out of any relationship.
Getting The Best Out Of It.
Have you ever wondered why your relationship never blooms? Yes, there are times when you wonder where the magic/spice in your relationship wandered to. Relationships just like plants need to be taken care of and nourished in order to thrive. If they are ignored, and taken for granted, then it's likely that the magic will be lost and the relationship will wither if not die altogether.
Although it's easy for a relationship to get stuck in a rut, there are some simple thing you can do to ensure that your relationship maintains it's momentum. Try some of the following TIPS to keep the romance alive in your relationship:
1. Talk to each other - just because you love each other doesn't mean that you automatically communicate well or can read your partner's mind or that they read yours. Listen attentively to each other and express your needs. Don't wait for your partner to try to guess what is going on with you.
2. Spend memorable time together - whether in times of sorrow or joy, make your relationship a priority and intentionally make time for each other.
3. Work on feeling good about yourself - this will help the way you feel about your relationship.
4. Everyone is different - accept and value differences in others, including your partner.
5. Be flexible - let your relationship grow and adapt with you as you change.
6. Make plans - set goals for your relationship and plan for your future.
7. Be supportive - try not to judge, criticize or blame each other, no one is perfect.
8. Learn from arguments - accept that arguments will happen and try to resolve them with respect.
9. Be sexually considerate - be affectionate and accept that individuals have different sex drives. Remember that sustaining a healthy and happy sex life requires negotiation.
10. Be attentive - demonstrate your commitment to the relationship.
11. Enjoy yourself - have fun and celebrate your life together.
About the Author
Did you find those tips on how to spice your relationships useful? You can learn a lot more about how these tips can help you enjoy lasting and healthy relationships here.
Enjoying unbroken relationships and spicing them up mean different things to different people. However, this kind of adult relationships generally involve two people who respect each other, can communicate, and have equal rights, opportunities and responsibilities. Most of us would also expect our relationship with our partner to include love, intimacy and sexual expression, commitment, compatibility and companionship which all add up to bring the best out of any relationship.
Getting The Best Out Of It.
Have you ever wondered why your relationship never blooms? Yes, there are times when you wonder where the magic/spice in your relationship wandered to. Relationships just like plants need to be taken care of and nourished in order to thrive. If they are ignored, and taken for granted, then it's likely that the magic will be lost and the relationship will wither if not die altogether.
Although it's easy for a relationship to get stuck in a rut, there are some simple thing you can do to ensure that your relationship maintains it's momentum. Try some of the following TIPS to keep the romance alive in your relationship:
1. Talk to each other - just because you love each other doesn't mean that you automatically communicate well or can read your partner's mind or that they read yours. Listen attentively to each other and express your needs. Don't wait for your partner to try to guess what is going on with you.
2. Spend memorable time together - whether in times of sorrow or joy, make your relationship a priority and intentionally make time for each other.
3. Work on feeling good about yourself - this will help the way you feel about your relationship.
4. Everyone is different - accept and value differences in others, including your partner.
5. Be flexible - let your relationship grow and adapt with you as you change.
6. Make plans - set goals for your relationship and plan for your future.
7. Be supportive - try not to judge, criticize or blame each other, no one is perfect.
8. Learn from arguments - accept that arguments will happen and try to resolve them with respect.
9. Be sexually considerate - be affectionate and accept that individuals have different sex drives. Remember that sustaining a healthy and happy sex life requires negotiation.
10. Be attentive - demonstrate your commitment to the relationship.
11. Enjoy yourself - have fun and celebrate your life together.
About the Author
Did you find those tips on how to spice your relationships useful? You can learn a lot more about how these tips can help you enjoy lasting and healthy relationships here.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Husband, Is Your Wife A Housewife? This Could Lead To Divorce...
If a husband has a wife who is a full time housewife - or the more politically correct term "homemaker" - then he needs to know that he is in a "charged" situation that can easily explode into a full-blown divorce.
As the primary bread-winner, it's easy for a husband to elevate the importance of what he's doing and to minimize the importance of what his wife is doing at home. It's easy for him to look at his long hours and "compare" that to her sitting at home doing nothing.
In the meantime, his wife is at home struggling with thoughts like:
• Nothing positive is happening for me • I have no career or future • I have no money to get the things I want • I have no way to contribute or carry my own weight • He gets to get out of the house and I don't • He thinks all of his needs and interests are important • He thinks the needs that the children and I have are stupid and unimportant • If I have to vacuum, wash dishes, scrub toilets, etc one more time I'm going to lose my mind
Obviously, these thoughts lead to feelings that are anything but pleasant. And, when a person is feeling unpleasant feelings, they are primed to MOVE AWAY from them - even if it means moving away from other things that are also important to them - such as their family!
But then, an even more powerful charge is added to the situation when the wife asks for something from the husband that she is dependent upon - the husband who is giving no consideration to the personal sacrifices his wife is making to be a homemaker…
And, for a myriad of reasons, he complains and gripes about whatever it is that she's asked for before he finally tells her, "No".
Now, those unpleasant feelings she was previously feeling have just become intensely unhappy feelings that become darker by the minute as she feels the related feelings of:
• Being neglected • Being a burden • Stuck and dependent • Uselessness • Being demeaned
And those intensely unhappy feelings build a stronger and stronger motivation inside of her to make some changes in her situation - changes that don't include a husband whose attitude and behavior straps her down to a life of insignificance, unimportance, and boredom.
Plus, it doesn't matter how a woman came to be a homemaker. Maybe, she and her husband agreed before marriage that she would be a homemaker. Or, maybe circumstances have just worked out such that she's now a full-time at-home mom.
Either way, husbands are strongly advised to realize a few important truths…their wife and children:
• Have wants and needs too • Have interests, desires, and hobbies too • Want to have significance in life • Want to achieve and accomplish meaningful objectives and goals • Want to experience excitement from time to time
This is important. It's important because if a man doesn't take the lead and PROVIDE for these needs within his family - and these needs are just as real as the needs of having groceries on the table and a roof overhead - then the woman will be forced to take her own lead and create a better future for herself that does not include the man who is currently repressing her.
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of MarriedAndHappy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following websites is included with it.
About the Author
If you're a husband who wants a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, consider this help: www.NymphomaniacWife.com
If you are a husband who is doing everything you know to do and still there is lack of intimacy in your marriage relationship, consider this help: www.MoreSexForMen.com
As the primary bread-winner, it's easy for a husband to elevate the importance of what he's doing and to minimize the importance of what his wife is doing at home. It's easy for him to look at his long hours and "compare" that to her sitting at home doing nothing.
In the meantime, his wife is at home struggling with thoughts like:
• Nothing positive is happening for me • I have no career or future • I have no money to get the things I want • I have no way to contribute or carry my own weight • He gets to get out of the house and I don't • He thinks all of his needs and interests are important • He thinks the needs that the children and I have are stupid and unimportant • If I have to vacuum, wash dishes, scrub toilets, etc one more time I'm going to lose my mind
Obviously, these thoughts lead to feelings that are anything but pleasant. And, when a person is feeling unpleasant feelings, they are primed to MOVE AWAY from them - even if it means moving away from other things that are also important to them - such as their family!
But then, an even more powerful charge is added to the situation when the wife asks for something from the husband that she is dependent upon - the husband who is giving no consideration to the personal sacrifices his wife is making to be a homemaker…
And, for a myriad of reasons, he complains and gripes about whatever it is that she's asked for before he finally tells her, "No".
Now, those unpleasant feelings she was previously feeling have just become intensely unhappy feelings that become darker by the minute as she feels the related feelings of:
• Being neglected • Being a burden • Stuck and dependent • Uselessness • Being demeaned
And those intensely unhappy feelings build a stronger and stronger motivation inside of her to make some changes in her situation - changes that don't include a husband whose attitude and behavior straps her down to a life of insignificance, unimportance, and boredom.
Plus, it doesn't matter how a woman came to be a homemaker. Maybe, she and her husband agreed before marriage that she would be a homemaker. Or, maybe circumstances have just worked out such that she's now a full-time at-home mom.
Either way, husbands are strongly advised to realize a few important truths…their wife and children:
• Have wants and needs too • Have interests, desires, and hobbies too • Want to have significance in life • Want to achieve and accomplish meaningful objectives and goals • Want to experience excitement from time to time
This is important. It's important because if a man doesn't take the lead and PROVIDE for these needs within his family - and these needs are just as real as the needs of having groceries on the table and a roof overhead - then the woman will be forced to take her own lead and create a better future for herself that does not include the man who is currently repressing her.
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of MarriedAndHappy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following websites is included with it.
About the Author
If you're a husband who wants a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, consider this help: www.NymphomaniacWife.com
If you are a husband who is doing everything you know to do and still there is lack of intimacy in your marriage relationship, consider this help: www.MoreSexForMen.com
Save your marriage like I did!
In this day and time of many unhappy relationships, there are a lot of people who just give up too easily. Granted if there is abuse of any kind, I would agree to give up. But if there is just general unhappiness, and the spark is gone, you don't like spending time together anymore, well, there are solutions.
My husband and I spent the first part of our relationship so happy, in love, the sparks were there that kept us going every day. The day was soooo long, because all we wanted to do was leave work and go home to be together. Then came the gradual change where the spark was there, but not as often. The time we spent gradually was just sitting in the same room, speaking occasionally, but not about anything important. We both ended up with different hobbies, different ways of travelling down life's road. Then, I found something that helped us..... Now we are happier than we ever were with the help of this book. I downloaded it directly to my computer, and started reading immediately. There are lots of great tips, and many good ideas to put into place to secure your marriage again.
If you have problems with your relationships, and want to save your marriage as I did, please check out this link, http://adbutler.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/ . I am including with my article. I think you will thank me, as well, as your spouse will thank me for helping keep your marriage together and worth keeping. Life is too short to be unhappy, or even to settle for whatever you have now. Please check it out. I wish you much luck and love today and always.
Dawn Butler
About the Author
I am a 39 year old mother of 4 kids. I haven't written in years, except only on occasions. I have written poetry, so this is my first attempt to write articles. I am sure I will get better as time progresses...
My husband and I spent the first part of our relationship so happy, in love, the sparks were there that kept us going every day. The day was soooo long, because all we wanted to do was leave work and go home to be together. Then came the gradual change where the spark was there, but not as often. The time we spent gradually was just sitting in the same room, speaking occasionally, but not about anything important. We both ended up with different hobbies, different ways of travelling down life's road. Then, I found something that helped us..... Now we are happier than we ever were with the help of this book. I downloaded it directly to my computer, and started reading immediately. There are lots of great tips, and many good ideas to put into place to secure your marriage again.
If you have problems with your relationships, and want to save your marriage as I did, please check out this link, http://adbutler.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/ . I am including with my article. I think you will thank me, as well, as your spouse will thank me for helping keep your marriage together and worth keeping. Life is too short to be unhappy, or even to settle for whatever you have now. Please check it out. I wish you much luck and love today and always.
Dawn Butler
About the Author
I am a 39 year old mother of 4 kids. I haven't written in years, except only on occasions. I have written poetry, so this is my first attempt to write articles. I am sure I will get better as time progresses...
3 Surviving an Affair Tips
Surviving an affair can be long and arduous process for those trying to mend their shattered marriage and rebuild the trust that has been lost due to one partners cheating heart. affair surviving can be done however as many successful marriages have overcome the problems and in many cases have come through stronger and better than before; sound unlikely? Well read on for some tips on how to survive an affair.
1. Control Anger & Hurt
Before anything more can be done one of the biggest problems in surviving infidelity in a relationship is anger and hurt. These emotions serve a purpose and they are justified to someone in your position but those that give in to rage and depression over a marital affair can never move forward. For instance, you must learn when to walk away from an argument without destroying it, say you will be back after a walk because you are too angry to talk right now and continue the discussion later. Do not end the discussion completely and do not ruin it with a yelling match and end up saying hurtful things … just get the anger out of your system elsewhere then come back and try again.
2. Communicate
This can not be stressed enough! Some couples end up not communicating about the affair because they know it will lead to another argument and others purposely choose not to talk about it thinking that by burying the past it can be forgotten. Neither of these approaches work … what works and what is the hardest thing to do is to talk about the affair, find out the who, when and why because only by understanding the affair can we inject some truth back into a relationship and from there can mend the wounds and find out what needs to change …
3. Realize It Will Never Be The Same Again
This is a stumbling block for many spouses who just want things like they were before the affair and cling to that hope for so long that when it never arrives they end up even worse. The reason for this is it never CAN be the same way as it was, nothing will change that. There is however, one powerful choice you can make here that can end the misery in time; you can choose to create a new relationship out of the old one! This choice combined with what you have learned means you can leave behind the old relationship that m ay have indirectly lead to your partners cheating and create a new one together that can be affair-proof because both of you know exactly what you need to create a successful, happy marriage and both of you will want to be with each other exclusively because you give each other everything you both need!
About the Author
So if you want to find out step by step guides on how to achieve these steps, overcome and survive the specter of the affair and create the new marriage that you want click below to find out more. http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/affairs-cheating/
1. Control Anger & Hurt
Before anything more can be done one of the biggest problems in surviving infidelity in a relationship is anger and hurt. These emotions serve a purpose and they are justified to someone in your position but those that give in to rage and depression over a marital affair can never move forward. For instance, you must learn when to walk away from an argument without destroying it, say you will be back after a walk because you are too angry to talk right now and continue the discussion later. Do not end the discussion completely and do not ruin it with a yelling match and end up saying hurtful things … just get the anger out of your system elsewhere then come back and try again.
2. Communicate
This can not be stressed enough! Some couples end up not communicating about the affair because they know it will lead to another argument and others purposely choose not to talk about it thinking that by burying the past it can be forgotten. Neither of these approaches work … what works and what is the hardest thing to do is to talk about the affair, find out the who, when and why because only by understanding the affair can we inject some truth back into a relationship and from there can mend the wounds and find out what needs to change …
3. Realize It Will Never Be The Same Again
This is a stumbling block for many spouses who just want things like they were before the affair and cling to that hope for so long that when it never arrives they end up even worse. The reason for this is it never CAN be the same way as it was, nothing will change that. There is however, one powerful choice you can make here that can end the misery in time; you can choose to create a new relationship out of the old one! This choice combined with what you have learned means you can leave behind the old relationship that m ay have indirectly lead to your partners cheating and create a new one together that can be affair-proof because both of you know exactly what you need to create a successful, happy marriage and both of you will want to be with each other exclusively because you give each other everything you both need!
About the Author
So if you want to find out step by step guides on how to achieve these steps, overcome and survive the specter of the affair and create the new marriage that you want click below to find out more. http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/affairs-cheating/
Monday, February 2, 2009
Gestures And Other Things To Attract Women
Most of us have probably made mistakes on past dates that we really wish we could take back. Well, don't look back, as those mistakes are behind you. Meeting women is literally a process, and can be taught to anyone.
The first and foremost thing in picking up women is approaching them with confidence and carrying a casual yet engaging conversation that will spark some interest from the woman.
When you're already actually talking to the woman or being on a date with her, you have to follow through and continue to be the confident guy that you started out to be. One of the most important things to observe when talking to a woman is to be able to lead the conversation. This does not mean that you should dominate the conversation and keep talking about yourself, your likes, your pet peeves, and your current problems. This is not how you will get a girlfriend. Be smart and know that this conversation is about getting to know the woman as much as it is about sharing more about yourself.
Conversation is something that will take you will into your golden years of marriage, so it's extremely important to get it right at first. You'll want to ask things that you know how she'll respond to, and also other questions that you don't. If you can do this properly, you'll have control as to where the conversation goes next ? a powerful tool indeed. This tells her that you're different that the man who only cares about taking her home for the night.
Using actions : A touch can be powerful among women. One touch, if done right, can knock a woman off her feet. But you have to know how to do it correctly. And what this means is not about taking advantage of or making a pass at women. That is not the way to pick up women.
Touching can be a number of things, and not necessarily the famous 'yawn and put your arm across her shoulder' at the movies. Things such as gently touching her arm, touching her back when leading her through a door, and even speaking softly into her ear when the surroundings are loud (such as at a nightclub). This type of thing can really excite a woman.
Touching could also include things such as opening a car door for her, leading her into a building first, et cetera. Again, if done correctly this can really be a powerful way of leading into your next move.
Using words and actions on a date or when you meet someone new is not rocket science. If you do it correctly and at the right moment, not only will you attract the women you meet. You will also feel more confident about your words and your moves, and ultimately, your personality.
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for men and women looking for the online dating sites for singles Visit Gestures And Other Things To Attract Women.
The first and foremost thing in picking up women is approaching them with confidence and carrying a casual yet engaging conversation that will spark some interest from the woman.
When you're already actually talking to the woman or being on a date with her, you have to follow through and continue to be the confident guy that you started out to be. One of the most important things to observe when talking to a woman is to be able to lead the conversation. This does not mean that you should dominate the conversation and keep talking about yourself, your likes, your pet peeves, and your current problems. This is not how you will get a girlfriend. Be smart and know that this conversation is about getting to know the woman as much as it is about sharing more about yourself.
Conversation is something that will take you will into your golden years of marriage, so it's extremely important to get it right at first. You'll want to ask things that you know how she'll respond to, and also other questions that you don't. If you can do this properly, you'll have control as to where the conversation goes next ? a powerful tool indeed. This tells her that you're different that the man who only cares about taking her home for the night.
Using actions : A touch can be powerful among women. One touch, if done right, can knock a woman off her feet. But you have to know how to do it correctly. And what this means is not about taking advantage of or making a pass at women. That is not the way to pick up women.
Touching can be a number of things, and not necessarily the famous 'yawn and put your arm across her shoulder' at the movies. Things such as gently touching her arm, touching her back when leading her through a door, and even speaking softly into her ear when the surroundings are loud (such as at a nightclub). This type of thing can really excite a woman.
Touching could also include things such as opening a car door for her, leading her into a building first, et cetera. Again, if done correctly this can really be a powerful way of leading into your next move.
Using words and actions on a date or when you meet someone new is not rocket science. If you do it correctly and at the right moment, not only will you attract the women you meet. You will also feel more confident about your words and your moves, and ultimately, your personality.
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for men and women looking for the online dating sites for singles Visit Gestures And Other Things To Attract Women.
Tips To Attract Women Like A Magnet
Whether you are just looking for some fun or you are looking to attract a partner for life, many men often feel ill at ease around beautiful women. Women can seem unattainable, sophisticated and hard to reach, but really, nothing is further from the truth. When you are looking for some lovely female company, there are many things that you can do to make sure that you are not spending the evening alone. There are many tips to attract women like a magnet, but check out some of the more powerful ones below.
1. Remember that she is not the enemy
Most women, if they are available, are perfectly willing to step out and see what the evening brings. Remember that when you are trying to seduce a woman that you are not her enemy or her adversary. Think about yourself as her accomplice in getting together a really great time. You are not working against each other
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for singles looking for the online dating services with photo personals. Visit Tips To Attract Women Like A Magnet
1. Remember that she is not the enemy
Most women, if they are available, are perfectly willing to step out and see what the evening brings. Remember that when you are trying to seduce a woman that you are not her enemy or her adversary. Think about yourself as her accomplice in getting together a really great time. You are not working against each other
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for singles looking for the online dating services with photo personals. Visit Tips To Attract Women Like A Magnet
5 Secret Reasons Why Women Reject Men
So you did it! You worked up the courage to approach an attractive woman and start a conversation. But as soon as you open your mouth she finds a reason to get away from you.
The question is did you do something wrong or is she simply a rude person?
Well she might be mean, but she might also have a reason for her behavior. In fact, there might be a specific reason why she rejected you. In the next few minutes, I'll cover 5 of the most common reasons why women reject men and what it means to you.
1. This woman is taken
One of the simplest reasons why a woman will reject you is because she has a boyfriend or husband. Now if she's taken don't be too disappointed. Simply move on to a woman who is available.
2. She is not in a good mood
It's a simple truth that we all have bad days. Perhaps you approached this woman one hour after her dog died. So any attempt to draw her into conversation will meet with disaster.
You want to see how she's acting before you approach. If she looks particularly angry or sullen, then you might want to talk to a different woman.
3. She is evil
Now one principle I try to internalize is the fact that ANY rejection I get is the result of something I did wrong on the approach. By adopting this attitude, I'm able to examine what I did and learn from it.
But there is a simple truth about some women. Sometimes you'll encounter some women who are pure evil. Frankly they enjoy manipulating guys and hurting them. If you see scores of guys approaching a woman and walking away with a dejected look, then you she might be an evil girl.
4. She was recently hurt
There are some periods in a woman's life where she is not interested in dating men. A lot of this is because some another guy deeply hurt her. So unfortunately your attempts could meet with a swift rebuke. To her, you represent ALL men who have hurt her during her lifetime.
5. She didn't like your approach
The way you approached a woman was wrong. Perhaps you used a cheesy pick up line or you didn't display the right kind of body language.
What's promising is this the ONLY reason for rejection in which you have control. If you know the right way to approach a woman and initiate a conversation, then you'll quickly reduce your chances of rejection.
There are many reasons why a woman will reject men. While you can't control most of these factors, there is one major way to eliminate any chance of her turning you down. If you learn the right way to initiate a conversation, you'll see a dramatic increase in your success with women.
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for singles looking for the online dating services with photo personals.
The question is did you do something wrong or is she simply a rude person?
Well she might be mean, but she might also have a reason for her behavior. In fact, there might be a specific reason why she rejected you. In the next few minutes, I'll cover 5 of the most common reasons why women reject men and what it means to you.
1. This woman is taken
One of the simplest reasons why a woman will reject you is because she has a boyfriend or husband. Now if she's taken don't be too disappointed. Simply move on to a woman who is available.
2. She is not in a good mood
It's a simple truth that we all have bad days. Perhaps you approached this woman one hour after her dog died. So any attempt to draw her into conversation will meet with disaster.
You want to see how she's acting before you approach. If she looks particularly angry or sullen, then you might want to talk to a different woman.
3. She is evil
Now one principle I try to internalize is the fact that ANY rejection I get is the result of something I did wrong on the approach. By adopting this attitude, I'm able to examine what I did and learn from it.
But there is a simple truth about some women. Sometimes you'll encounter some women who are pure evil. Frankly they enjoy manipulating guys and hurting them. If you see scores of guys approaching a woman and walking away with a dejected look, then you she might be an evil girl.
4. She was recently hurt
There are some periods in a woman's life where she is not interested in dating men. A lot of this is because some another guy deeply hurt her. So unfortunately your attempts could meet with a swift rebuke. To her, you represent ALL men who have hurt her during her lifetime.
5. She didn't like your approach
The way you approached a woman was wrong. Perhaps you used a cheesy pick up line or you didn't display the right kind of body language.
What's promising is this the ONLY reason for rejection in which you have control. If you know the right way to approach a woman and initiate a conversation, then you'll quickly reduce your chances of rejection.
There are many reasons why a woman will reject men. While you can't control most of these factors, there is one major way to eliminate any chance of her turning you down. If you learn the right way to initiate a conversation, you'll see a dramatic increase in your success with women.
About the Author
Thomas writes articles for singles looking for the online dating services with photo personals.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Impress Your Valentine with Unique Gifts on the Valentine’s Day
Sprinkle some love and happiness in your love relationship on this Valentine’s Day with unique and amazing valentine gifts. The gift ideas and gift items are best to treat your beloved in a unique way or give vent to your feelings. As it is a special day so you must be savvy while picking a valentine gift.How do you admire your beloved on this Valentine’s Day? Of course, you are not going to say that she is the most beautiful women on earth you have ever seen as it has less impact. The virtual and impressive way is to take her to lunch or dinner. Plan to take her in a beautiful place where you can spend wonderful moments. For example: the short breaks sets as a perfect romantic gift idea. The distinguished features of this short break let you enjoy savour lunch or dinner on a majestic cruise over the famous river Thames. Both of you can dine meal made by the expert chefs and enjoy the views of the fascinating London attractions. This valentine gift is sure to make the moments last forever.If you want to express your feeling for the first time to a lady then valentine gifts are ideal. A valentine gift is imaginative and rich in design that gives you the best scope to express your feelings or win a lady’s heart. The assortment of Valentine’s Day gifts consists of both traditional and contemporary gift ideas. You can even find gift items that give you the privilege to personalise the recipient’s name on it or imprint your personal message. You can mark words of appreciation on the gift such as: ”My dear beloved”, “Just for You” likewise to make it more attractive. Message in a Bottle or Teddy in a Tin are such loyal messengers that carry your messages in a loving manner. Both the gifts are displayed in an elegant way. You can make the recipient feel elevated and how important they are in your life. Valentine gifts carry symbolic significance and reflect the promises of a happy love life. If you are still confused what to pick for your beloved then take into account the recipient likes. With the inflation hitting our lives that best way to obtain a gift at competitive rate is by comparing the different offers and features of the gift ideas. But if you have made up your mind to surprise her with an exceptional and high quality gift then never forget that “quality never comes cheap”.
Sprinkle some love and happiness in your love relationship on this Valentine’s Day with unique and amazing valentine gifts. The gift ideas and gift items are best to treat your beloved in a unique way or give vent to your feelings. As it is a special day so you must be savvy while picking a valentine gift.How do you admire your beloved on this Valentine’s Day? Of course, you are not going to say that she is the most beautiful women on earth you have ever seen as it has less impact. The virtual and impressive way is to take her to lunch or dinner. Plan to take her in a beautiful place where you can spend wonderful moments. For example: the short breaks sets as a perfect romantic gift idea. The distinguished features of this short break let you enjoy savour lunch or dinner on a majestic cruise over the famous river Thames. Both of you can dine meal made by the expert chefs and enjoy the views of the fascinating London attractions. This valentine gift is sure to make the moments last forever.If you want to express your feeling for the first time to a lady then valentine gifts are ideal. A valentine gift is imaginative and rich in design that gives you the best scope to express your feelings or win a lady’s heart. The assortment of Valentine’s Day gifts consists of both traditional and contemporary gift ideas. You can even find gift items that give you the privilege to personalise the recipient’s name on it or imprint your personal message. You can mark words of appreciation on the gift such as: ”My dear beloved”, “Just for You” likewise to make it more attractive. Message in a Bottle or Teddy in a Tin are such loyal messengers that carry your messages in a loving manner. Both the gifts are displayed in an elegant way. You can make the recipient feel elevated and how important they are in your life. Valentine gifts carry symbolic significance and reflect the promises of a happy love life. If you are still confused what to pick for your beloved then take into account the recipient likes. With the inflation hitting our lives that best way to obtain a gift at competitive rate is by comparing the different offers and features of the gift ideas. But if you have made up your mind to surprise her with an exceptional and high quality gift then never forget that “quality never comes cheap”.
Article Source: http://www.articlewarehouse.com
Sprinkle some love and happiness in your love relationship on this Valentine’s Day with unique and amazing valentine gifts. The gift ideas and gift items are best to treat your beloved in a unique way or give vent to your feelings. As it is a special day so you must be savvy while picking a valentine gift.How do you admire your beloved on this Valentine’s Day? Of course, you are not going to say that she is the most beautiful women on earth you have ever seen as it has less impact. The virtual and impressive way is to take her to lunch or dinner. Plan to take her in a beautiful place where you can spend wonderful moments. For example: the short breaks sets as a perfect romantic gift idea. The distinguished features of this short break let you enjoy savour lunch or dinner on a majestic cruise over the famous river Thames. Both of you can dine meal made by the expert chefs and enjoy the views of the fascinating London attractions. This valentine gift is sure to make the moments last forever.If you want to express your feeling for the first time to a lady then valentine gifts are ideal. A valentine gift is imaginative and rich in design that gives you the best scope to express your feelings or win a lady’s heart. The assortment of Valentine’s Day gifts consists of both traditional and contemporary gift ideas. You can even find gift items that give you the privilege to personalise the recipient’s name on it or imprint your personal message. You can mark words of appreciation on the gift such as: ”My dear beloved”, “Just for You” likewise to make it more attractive. Message in a Bottle or Teddy in a Tin are such loyal messengers that carry your messages in a loving manner. Both the gifts are displayed in an elegant way. You can make the recipient feel elevated and how important they are in your life. Valentine gifts carry symbolic significance and reflect the promises of a happy love life. If you are still confused what to pick for your beloved then take into account the recipient likes. With the inflation hitting our lives that best way to obtain a gift at competitive rate is by comparing the different offers and features of the gift ideas. But if you have made up your mind to surprise her with an exceptional and high quality gift then never forget that “quality never comes cheap”.
Article Source: http://www.articlewarehouse.com
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Relationship Counseling Therapy for Troubled Teens
Relationship counseling as a discrete, professional service is a recent phenomenon. Until the late 20th century, the work of relationship counseling was informally fulfilled by close friends, family members, or local religious leaders. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and social workers have historically dealt primarily with individual psychological problems. In many less technologically advanced cultures around the world today, the institution of family, the village or group elders fulfill the work of relationship counseling. With increasing modernization or westernization in many parts of the world and the continuous shift towards isolated nuclear families, the old support structures are no longer there and the need for relationship counseling is greater than ever. Before the relationships between the individuals can begin to be understood, it is important for all to recognize and acknowledge that everyone involved has a unique personality and background. Sometimes the individuals in the relationship adhere to different value systems. Institutional and societal variables (like the social, religious, group and other collective factors) which shape a person's nature, and behavior must be recognized. A tenet of “relationship counseling” is that:It is intrinsically beneficial for all the participants to interact with each other and with society at large with the least conflict possible. Some say the only viable solution to the problem of setting these relationships back on track is to reorient the individuals' perceptions - how one looks at or responds to situations. wilderness therapy is the perfect environment to be able to reflect and respond to present situations. This implies that they make some fundamental changes in their attitudes and actions The next step is to adopt conscious structural changes to their inter-personal relationships.The duty and function of a relationship counselor is to listen, understand and facilitate a better understanding between those involved. The basic principles involved are:# Non-judgment on any of the issues or incidents narrated to them as counselor. # Confidentiality of the persons being given the counseling. A successful counselor is someone who has a mature and balanced state of mind and disposition, who can place themselves in the shoes of those they are counseling, and the ability to respect their opinions, thoughts, feelings and (more importantly) emotions.
Relationship counseling as a discrete, professional service is a recent phenomenon. Until the late 20th century, the work of relationship counseling was informally fulfilled by close friends, family members, or local religious leaders. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and social workers have historically dealt primarily with individual psychological problems. In many less technologically advanced cultures around the world today, the institution of family, the village or group elders fulfill the work of relationship counseling. With increasing modernization or westernization in many parts of the world and the continuous shift towards isolated nuclear families, the old support structures are no longer there and the need for relationship counseling is greater than ever. Before the relationships between the individuals can begin to be understood, it is important for all to recognize and acknowledge that everyone involved has a unique personality and background. Sometimes the individuals in the relationship adhere to different value systems. Institutional and societal variables (like the social, religious, group and other collective factors) which shape a person's nature, and behavior must be recognized. A tenet of “relationship counseling” is that:It is intrinsically beneficial for all the participants to interact with each other and with society at large with the least conflict possible. Some say the only viable solution to the problem of setting these relationships back on track is to reorient the individuals' perceptions - how one looks at or responds to situations. wilderness therapy is the perfect environment to be able to reflect and respond to present situations. This implies that they make some fundamental changes in their attitudes and actions The next step is to adopt conscious structural changes to their inter-personal relationships.The duty and function of a relationship counselor is to listen, understand and facilitate a better understanding between those involved. The basic principles involved are:# Non-judgment on any of the issues or incidents narrated to them as counselor. # Confidentiality of the persons being given the counseling. A successful counselor is someone who has a mature and balanced state of mind and disposition, who can place themselves in the shoes of those they are counseling, and the ability to respect their opinions, thoughts, feelings and (more importantly) emotions.
Article Source: http://www.articlewarehouse.com
Relationship counseling as a discrete, professional service is a recent phenomenon. Until the late 20th century, the work of relationship counseling was informally fulfilled by close friends, family members, or local religious leaders. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and social workers have historically dealt primarily with individual psychological problems. In many less technologically advanced cultures around the world today, the institution of family, the village or group elders fulfill the work of relationship counseling. With increasing modernization or westernization in many parts of the world and the continuous shift towards isolated nuclear families, the old support structures are no longer there and the need for relationship counseling is greater than ever. Before the relationships between the individuals can begin to be understood, it is important for all to recognize and acknowledge that everyone involved has a unique personality and background. Sometimes the individuals in the relationship adhere to different value systems. Institutional and societal variables (like the social, religious, group and other collective factors) which shape a person's nature, and behavior must be recognized. A tenet of “relationship counseling” is that:It is intrinsically beneficial for all the participants to interact with each other and with society at large with the least conflict possible. Some say the only viable solution to the problem of setting these relationships back on track is to reorient the individuals' perceptions - how one looks at or responds to situations. wilderness therapy is the perfect environment to be able to reflect and respond to present situations. This implies that they make some fundamental changes in their attitudes and actions The next step is to adopt conscious structural changes to their inter-personal relationships.The duty and function of a relationship counselor is to listen, understand and facilitate a better understanding between those involved. The basic principles involved are:# Non-judgment on any of the issues or incidents narrated to them as counselor. # Confidentiality of the persons being given the counseling. A successful counselor is someone who has a mature and balanced state of mind and disposition, who can place themselves in the shoes of those they are counseling, and the ability to respect their opinions, thoughts, feelings and (more importantly) emotions.
Article Source: http://www.articlewarehouse.com
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Watch Your Relationships!
This should be read by kids and parents together.
Young children are known to be pretty horrid to each other. I have heard some of the meanest things in playgrounds! Teenagers go through a lot as far as relationships go. Everybody knows it and everybody goes through it or has gone through it, so it's no big deal. We know, as adults, that we get over it eventually. Still, sometimes, it really hurts and teenage hormones may lead to unexpected reactions. Children and teenagers don't always have the maturity to put things into perspective yet.
Discovering new feelings is disturbing. There is more and more social pressure in schools to be a certain way and part of the "in" crowd. But the "in" crowd is not the right one for every child. When facing a difficult social situation, when you try to adjust pretending to be someone else to fit in, or when you find yourself left out because you won't settle for certain rules, it creates a world of new emotions that have to be faced.
Coming from the children world where, granted, kids can indeed be mean to one another, but where things are also easily forgotten, the teenage world is a bit tougher because things affect kids in a different way. To avoid pain, embarrassment and shame, many teenagers forget who they are and follow the herd. For them, it is better to have bad friends than no friends at all and they take the consequences. Even though in reality, there are always other friends but to them, it feels like there aren't any or they are not worth giving up the status they have acquired.
As teenagers, you have to stay aware of who you are and understand your value. This is a very hard thing to do for some people. The pressure of so-called friends may drag you down. You must stick with the friends who get the best out of you. I am talking about friendships AND more involved relationships.
It is a very hard concept to grasp for kids and teenagers alike. I can't tell you how many 14-year-olds I have had to console when their best friend decided to "dump" them after some bitter fight over silliness. Of course, for them, it is not silly. A first experience of back-stabbing is not pleasant. What teenagers often don't see is that they don't need people like that in their lives. And yet they fall out and love each other again over and over.
I always ask kids what those friends bring to their lives. Any relationship is an exchange. To put it very simply: What I do makes you happy and what you do makes me happy. I grow thanks to your influence and vice versa. My life gets richer because you are in it and so does yours because I am in it. Teenagers have to be reminded constantly of this. Some are stronger than others or more mature and will be able to be burnt once and then understand and move on to greener pastures, but others take longer or, in worst cases, really fall into the trap.
I am not saying that there are good kids and bad kids. There are simply different people, with different values, different backgrounds, different histories, cultures, ideas, opinions, etc. who do not necessarily function well with just everybody. In the formative teenage years, you haven't always completely defined yourself and influences can take you far from who you really are.
Boys and girls take the same risks. Girls will cry and scream more and boys will punch and kick more but the result is the same. Kids have to learn as soon as possible to surround themselves with people who add to their lives and only produce positive emotions. They also have to learn that they have to do the same if they want good relationships. Little upsets are always likely to happen in a relationship but that's normal and doesn't have a long lasting result. But if you see your kids mad, hurt, disappointed on a regular basis, look into it, don't just let it be thinking it's only teenage stuff. Self-esteem at that age is too important.
The key to remember is: What you give is what you get. Never lower yourself to someone else's level. Be your true, honest, friendly, generous, genuine and happy self and you will only attract like-minded people.
Florence Bernard advises parents to become better educators with some insider's information gathered along her 17 years in education. Her book, Better At School, the Essential Guide to help Kids Improve at School describes simple methods to achieve kids' best potential. Discover it and more great tips on http://www.betteratschool.com
For extra information: fbernard@betteratschool.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Florence_Bernard
A Helpful Guide to Office Romance
Office romance is a subject that usually sparks a lot of debate. One thing that people agree on is that office romance is pretty common in many offices. This should not be a surprise at all. The office is the place that we spend most of our time and, it is only natural for people to know each other in a more intimate way. This automatically leads to an attraction which can best be described on the lines of romance. Romance is something that all people who are breathing are capable of and more so, people working closely together. The question that comes up on romance in the office is whether it is right or wrong. There are very many companies which have had policies that bar employees from dating each other. However, some of these rules are becoming of the past as society becomes more liberal. There are very many people who have found spouses in the work place. Therefore, the office is a very safe environment in which you can meet a better half. However, there are very many downsides as well as upsides when it comes to this kind of romance.
Some of the advantages of office romance have been found to be as follows. First, when people love their co workers and colleagues, they will look forward to go to work. Therefore, in many ways, the morale and motivation to come to work will be improved. Also, since there is a deeper connection, there will be a lot less arguments compared to offices where love is not present. Office romance is not perfect and often, there will be breakups. This means that the drama will be brought to the office. This can affect the productivity of employees and can also lead to loss of good workers. If people fall in love and marry, there will be good employees lost also because one partner will decide to quit and raise the children. Life is full of challenges and love in the office is no exception.
When you are a worker in an office, it therefore becomes very necessary for you to have the relevant information that is going to enable you sail above the drama. You need to know some of the rules of office romance. The first rule is that you should not be naive. This means that even if you identify someone to love, do not love foolishly. Find a way to always maintain your dignity and maturity while admiring someone. Make sure that you touch with wisdom. This is because there are many harassment lawsuits filled every year. You do not want to have a suit on your head. Therefore, when you are not sure, keep your hands to yourself. Another rule that you might find very helpful is never to let your emotions guide you at work. You cannot trust yourself to make proper judgment at work, when you are dealing with someone you love. If you do not want to loose your livelihood; be focused. When you really fall in love, just follow your heart.
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Francis_K_Githinji
Have You Made the Connection About Connection?
Life at its most basic level is about relationships...about connection. And the quality of one's life is fundamentally shaped by the quality of one's connections. The quality of one's connections, in turn, is determined by one's own relationship skills and qualities and those with whom he or she chooses to connect. Life at its core is really that simple and fortunate is the person who makes the "connection" about connection.
Of course this is not to suggest that life is simple because it's not. It is really quite complicated. But the idea above, the one that reduces life to connection, is really not that hard to appreciate. For centuries writers, poets, and musicians have lauded the virtues of connection in all of its shades and hues. Today social scientists use the term "attachment" to discuss connection but the subject matter is still the same. Connection, in all its various forms, is the thread that weaves together the tapestry of human history all the while infusing it with tremendous potential.
By making the claim above I am mindful that the thoughtful reader will likely be put off by such a sweeping assertion. Certainly many objections to this claim can be raised and should be acknowledged. Surely the quality of one's life is determined by many things outsides the bounds of the narrow discussion of connection. The quality of a blind person's life is surely limited by merely being blind isn't it? Or doesn't the suffering experienced by those living in extreme poverty mediate the quality of their existence? Well, if by diminished "quality" you mean to say that life is more difficult for people facing any of the myriad sufferings that this world has to offer, then the answer would certainly be "yes."
But what we must remember is that the sufferings of this life are not optional for any of us...they are a given. Everyone suffers at different times and for different reasons. And severe suffering can cause even the most well-adjusted among us to experience times where we wonder if life is even worth living. But the quality of our lives is not necessarily determined by the presence or absence of difficulties. What we in fact discover, if we are fortunate enough to experience meaningful and healthy relationships, is that the sufferings of this life are mediated and the joys magnified by the quality of our connections. Ultimately, it is our connections, our relationships, that help to enhance the quality or contentment or happiness that we experience in life.
Now to acknowledge the simple truth above and better yet to determine that we are going to cultivate our relationships is a good thing...a simple decision. But to live out that decision, as we all know, is not so simple. In fact it may be one of the most complicated and challenging things that we will ever do. But the rewards are more than worth it for those who are brave enough to renew their commitment to their relational world.
New idea? Not really. Under appreciated? Most assuredly. Let me invite you to recommit to forming and nurturing meaningful and healthy connections in your life. Become a student of relationships and what makes them work. And set goals for self-improvement that include identifying and working on your own relationship weak spots. The benefits will be well worth it.
"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together"
African Proverb
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his
friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Eccl. 4:9-10
Asa R. Sphar III, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT
http://www.counselingservicesofaustin.com
Asa R. Sphar III, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT
Professor / Chair, Psychology and Counseling Department - NOBTS (1993 - 2007)
Author: Helping Hurting People: Reconciliation-Focused Counseling
Director: Counseling Services of Austin, LLC
http://www.counselingservicesofaustin.com
Reconciliation-focused therapy has been taught to literally hundreds of graduate counseling students over a period of 10 years and it continues to be developed and refined through rigorous empirical investigations. In 2002 the first book on reconciliation-focused counseling was published. Subsequently, three attachment scales were designed that serve to objectively measure the quality of a person's attachments across three relational domains. These instruments serve to guide therapists in their approach to the counseling task. To date, these attachment scales have been the subject of empirical investigation by two doctoral dissertations. In 2002, RFC was presented to the International Conference of the Christian Association for Psychological Studies.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Asa_R_Sphar
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Paradise Lost - Looking to Find Love Again After a Breakup Or Affair
If you've had a break-up, you're probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different. You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Think about how things were and how they will be now. Try to be as unbiased as you can. You might decide that the break-up really isn't a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize. You might think you've done this. You might have said you were sorry several times. But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again. Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won't be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it. (And hopefully, you do.)
When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, "I forgive you," though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up. If you haven't forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything. Old wounds would be reopened and it's likely that hurtful things would be said.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won't be any need to rehash the past. While you're working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you'll save yourself lots of grief down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the "you" they fell in love with, not the "you" that has been dumped. They were with you because you have certain qualities-kindness, thoughtfulness-not because you're angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.
| This author is happily married and wants you to find the same love and happiness for your life as well. If you feel like your relationships need a little extra "magic", visit this blog for some practical advice. Have something valuable to say? http://surviveabreakup.blogspot.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lori_Ann_Brehaut |
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